Saturday, 29 September 2012

50 Shades Darker Red

00:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , , 4 comments

 By Ashley Lister

 This week our theme is the colour red. I grabbed the first red book I could find on my desk. It was a copy of the Bible – the New International Version.

I keep a copy of the Bible on my desk for lots of reasons.

1.    It’s handy to have the Bible close at hand in case it’s needed for important research.

2.    It’s the right size to act as a coaster for my I ♥ Satan mug.

3.    It puzzles all those people who call me Godless when I brandish my ever-present copy of the good book.

4.    As a writer, I’m aware that we owe a hell of a lot to the Bible in regards to education and world literacy.

5.    I find it hilarious to read.

This is one of my favourite passages from the Bible. This comes from 1 Peter 3.

1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

I love the sentiment of this. It’s like this portion of the Bible was written by Christian Grey. Although, to be more accurate, this is how the Christian Grey version of the Bible would likely read:

Baby, submit yourselves to your husband and stop biting your lower lip or ye will visit the red room. Listen to your inner goddess as she does the merengue with some salsa moves. Your beauty should come from outward adornment, such as Calvin Kleins, Converse trainers or Ray-Bans. Now drinketh this Pinot Grigio and sucketh your husband's manliness. Oh, my!

And for all those who want to remind me that I’m going to burn in the flames of hell, please feel free to put those sentiments in the comments box below.


Anonymous said...

Oooh Ashley, don't get me going...
But, just to let you know, Husbands also are told to submit to their wives

Ashley R Lister said...


Is that the shorter passage that begins:

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner..."

I did think of including that but I thought it would make the bible quotes too heavy for this week :-)



Adele said...

Blasphemy - Surely they knew even then that men prefer a dominatrix to whip them into shape.

Ashley R Lister said...


Some men prefer that. But I think the Bible is a construct in misogyny.