Friday, 14 October 2011

Rickety Resources


“Right then, fire up the engines we have a challenge. On screen. Yes, an essay due on 24th October. No, don’t turn on the anxiety hormones yet, that’s for next week. Memory?”

“Yes Maam?”

“File that cognition away until 19th October please. Release optimum anxiety on that date too Nervous System.”

“Roger that.”

“Right right, what have we got for today then. Caffeine levels at 30%, Visual Cognition, what do you read?”

“Opening Facebook now."

“Nervous system, how do you read?”

“School run anxiety subsiding now, going into relaxation mode. Scratch that, we have adrenaline levels climbing again now, going off the scale Ma’am. Oh hell it’s going to panic mode, I can’t stop it!”

“Visuals, what do you read?”

“Visuals are picking up Blackpool Dead Good Poets’ page."

“Memory what do you read?”

“It’s Friday. Blog due on this date, still unwritten as yet”

“Ma’am anxiety levels reaching maximum capacity, we need to take action quickly”

“Ok, engage Subconscious messenger. We need to talk to the other side.”

“But, Ma’am, they are notoriously unreliable. Look what happened last week...”

“We don’t have a choice Logic. Just get me the messenger and see what they bring back.”

“Aye Ma’am.”

TIME IT TAKES TO INGEST MORE CAFFEINE LATER

“Ok, Subconscious relay. What exactly have you got for us today?”

Rummages round for a bit.

“Tah dah! There you go, best I could do on such short notice Ma’am.”

“Oh good lord. Don’t you have anything else in there for goodness’ sake? What am I supposed to do with THAT?”

“Not my job to help you decide what to do with it, I just supply it raw. Take it or leave it.”

Sigh “It will have to do then. Team, we’re going to have to pull out all the stops with this one. Open word document, NOW”

A little later.

“Mission complete. Engage Self Critic, and get into cringe mode.”

“Anxiety isn’t going away Ma’am”

“Not a lot we can do, job fulfilled. Now Visuals, back to Facebook.”
Reactions:

2 comments:

Ashley R Lister said...

The great Gods of Caffeine and FaceBook and Impending Deadlines.

Wonderful post,

Ash

vicky ellis said...

The subconscious is Q from Star Trek! I knew it. Everything falls into place.

Lindsay, you write characters so well :) Colour me green. Loving the honesty dressed in sci fi costumes xx