Saturday, 5 October 2013

Alternative Route

by Ashley Lister

 Whenever I see the illuminations, I often wonder how something so well-organised could have been managed by Blackpool Council. The poem below gives a fuller picture of how I perceive Blackpool Council to operate.

Alternative Route 

The mayor approached Blackpool Council
He looked as sad as the saddest sick pup.
“It’s a blow to the town,”
he said with a frown.
“But there’s a road that we’ve not yet dug up.”

The councillors cried out in horror
Their responses could not have been more shocked
They whispered and mumbled
And griped and then grumbled
Cos they knew every road should be blocked.

“It’s a breach of council policy,” one cried.
“The tax payers will think it’s a con.
They know it’s our jobs
To all act like knobs.
And stop roads from being driven upon.”

Another one paled rather gravely.
“This is the bad news that I’ve always feared.
For a century or more
Blackpool’s had just one law:
To make drivers regretting coming here.”

“How did this oversight happen?”
Asked a councillor who’d been quietly lurking
“You should feel like a fool.
Don’t you know it’s Blackpool?
Where none of the roads should be working.”

“I have messed up here,” said the mayor.
“They say I couldn’t find tits on a whore.
What I wanted to do
Was stop each of you
From driving from North to South Shore.”

“I think I should hand in my notice,” he said.
“And don’t worry, I won’t start a fight.
But since he paid us today,
Amounderness Way
Should be renamed after Eric Wright.”

Some of the council protested
And some of them taunted with jibes
But they did let him go
Because most, as you know,
Wanted their crack at his bribes.

“We are elected officials,” said the mayor.
“We’re the ones the el-ect-or-ate chose.”
It doesn’t matter
That our wallets get fatter
And we don’t know our arse from elbows.”

“What matters is our moral obligation
We should forget about creaming off loot.
But before I resign
I’d like to sell some old signs:

I’ve got eight gross saying, please use alternative route.”


Lindsay said...

Yep this is Blackpool, great post Ash.