Adverts

  Well a bit of fun and nostalgia today in the form of a piece I wrote in School for Higher English and dated 2nd. October 1967. Those older persons among you may recall some of these products...

   Mr H J Parsons is an ordinary man but his life is shaped by advertisements. Here is an example of an ordinary day in his life -
   He is awakened by his " Smiths " automatic alarm clock and creeps out from beneath his " Pure Irish Linen " sheets, stretching his arms to touch the "Vinyl Washable " wallpaper which he has stained with " Brylcreem " ( he had better use " Vitalis " instead ). Jumping out of his " Slumberland " bed into his " Pirrelli " slippers and across his  "Cyril Lord " carpet he opens the genuine "Japanese Made" venetian blind and gazes fondly at the " Cocker's" roses blooming in the garden below.He straightens his " Egyptian Cotton " pyjamas and gazes at his wife, thinking, "Twenty five years of marriage and she shows no signs of age, her hair retaining its natural colour as she uses "Polycolour for Brunettes ".Her skin still shines with everlasting youth as she uses " Oil of  Ulay ". Her beautiful white teeth soak in a tumbler of  " Steradent ".
  Mr Parsons does not want to waken her from her"Ovaltine " slumber, so he goes into the bathroom takes out "Palmolive Brushless Shaving Cream " and a " Gillette Super Stainless Steel Razor " ( it's about time he invested in a "Philishave " ). Washing his face with " Knight's Castille " and singing "Rowntrees jelly tots , they're nice to eat " he admires the " Aldis " bath set. Drying his face on a soft  " Turkish " towel he then commences to clean his teeth with a shapely " Wisdom " toothbrush and cool, tingling " Gibbs SR". He straightens his " Seven day trial " toupee, puts on his " St Michael " underwear, his " Banner " whiter than white shirt , and a " John Collier " suit.
   After descending the " Vynolay "covered stair , he enters the kitchen, switches on the " GEC " cooker and puts a " Lion" egg onto boil. He sets the table with stainless steel cutlery initialled free by " Kelloggs".
   Leaving his wife to do the washing up ( since her hands stay so soft ) he sets off for work with "Sch.........you know who....". His car starts first time ( an egg is so uncomfortable to sit on ! ) the engine purring sweetly. Amazed his wife watches as a "Tiger" pushes the car down the drive.
   Entering the office he notices the perfume of " Freshaire " sprayed by his mini-skirted secretary. ( he admires her shapely legs clad in " Bear Brand " stockings, her hips supported by ?? ).
   So his day commences peacefully and for lunch he has a " Milky Way " but is disappointed to discover that he gets indigestion and needs " Speedy Alkazeltzer ".
   At 5.30 he sets off for home stopping to purchase " Super National ".On arriving at the door his wife greets him with " I've got a headache ", so he gives her " Aspro". She tells him of the hard day she's had, what with discovering she was using the wrong soap powder, running out of " Yeastvite" and failing to tell the difference between " Stork " and butter, she's nearly a wreck.
   Trying to cheer her up he tells her that he's invited the "Nescafe " people over to put the "T" in Britain. " How could you ? ", she shrieked , " They've got B.O. ".  " Not anymore . " he replied, " They all use " Lifebuoy " ".
   So at 7.30 all their guests arrive shouting " Let's have a Smarties party ". They much admired the furniture that was bought using " Embassy " coupons. In the early hours they departed leaving the Parsons to clear up,,which they did with " Ajax" liquid and a "J-cloth "..
   Bedtime called so they had a cup of " Horlicks " and snuggled down.
   "Tonight ", quipped Mrs Parsons, " I am going to date a dream"

   Thanks for reading, Kath.......