written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Saturday 4 March 2017

On The Game

It might be an unwise move on my part, but I've decided to blog about what is supposedly the world's 'oldest profession': prostitution. I realise I could be skating on thin sensibilities with this one, so I'll explain why.

The weekly theme is Play The Game and after posting on here each Saturday for a couple of years, I find I've written about the topic of game-playing from several different angles already - football and psychology among them. In fact my blog about Transactional Analysis - Mind Games People Play - still seems to get about fifty hits a week. (Click on the title if you wish to read it - the blog is hyperlinked.) Consequently I've been racking the brainbox for a fresh approach - and this is it...

I've been tuning in to SS-GB, the BBC's adaptation of Len Deighton's novel of the same name, on a Sunday night. It's a fictional account of wartime Britain based on the premise that Germany had invaded this country successfully in 1940. While watching, I was reminded of a wry, poetic story from wartime London, which I've embellished shamelessly:

Picture an East End fish & chip shop on the Mile End Road, the Apocryphal Plaice. It's run by Rita and her sisters, because the men have all joined up to fight for their country. The ladies need to keep the business going. They have a community and their own children's little mouths to feed. However, as hostilities escalate, so do food shortages. Three months into the new year, the sisters find that potatoes are not so plentiful as they were and as a result they will have to pare down their portions. Rita is delegated to write a sign for the shop window. It explains that: 'Owing to Hitler chips will be littler'. The customers moan a bit but they understand the situation and the cheeky humour is part of their stoicism.

By late spring it's not just potatoes that are in short supply. Fishing has become a somewhat dangerous pursuit in enemy-patrolled waters and catches are way down, especially around southern coasts. Rita has to add another line to the sign in the window that explains: 'Owing to Himmler fish will be simmiler' (sic). Of course the customers moan a bit more, but they stay loyal and Rita and her sisters carry on, serving their smaller wartime portions.

Eventually, the Blitzkreig takes its toll. One summer night, in an after-hours raid, the Apocryphal Plaice suffers a direct hit that completely destroys the back of the building, its pantry and friers. When they emerge from the shelters, the sisters find only the front of the premises left standing. They have no option but to shut up shop. They still have little mouths to feed, however, but they are resourceful girls. Rita replaces the sign in the window of the bombed-out chippy with one that states: 'Owing to Goering we're taking up whoring' - and that's how I came to research and write about being on the game. Kudos to our East End Ladies of Negotiable Affection.

I have no direct experience, I hasten to add. The nearest I got to it was when on holiday as a student in Paris. My girlfriend and I were staying on Rue d'Aboukir near the Gare du Nord. We were walking back to our hotel one evening when a denizen of that colourful neighbourhood and fully paid up member of the 'oldest profession' accosted me and asked if I'd like to accompany her upstairs. When I explained that I was with my girlfriend she just smiled and said I could bring her too if  I wished. We passed on that invitation!


The assignation of the phrase 'oldest profession' to prostitution is relatively recent and Rudyard Kipling is probably responsible for its currency. His short story On The City Wall (1889) about an Indian prostitute refers to Lalun as "a member of the most ancient profession in the world". Shortly thereafter a mass-circulation newspaper carried an article castigating the lax morals of the Victorian aristocracy in these words: "In ancient Rome, under the empire, ladies used to go to baths to meet a certain class of men, while men resorted thither to meet a certain class of ladies. The ladies belonged to what has been called 'the oldest profession in the world', a profession which is carried on in Piccadilly, Regent Street and other parts of London with great energy every night..."

Of course, prostitution pre-dated the Roman empire. Evidence suggests that it was originally closely tied in with religious practices in several ancient civilisations, Sumerian, Egyptian, Indian, Greek; that temple prostitutes at holy sites were sanctioned not only to perform certain sacred  rites, they also catered to the carnal needs of both the priests and visitors to the temples - and they were usually very beautiful (as indicated in the statue illustrated above).

They also became camp followers for soldiers on campaign, gave solace to sailors in foreign ports, provided services to mine-workers, navvies, really anywhere that men were away from home comforts and with coin to spend. They were even sanctioned by the Christian church as a necessary evil...and it was only the exponential spread of sexually transmitted diseases in the 16th and 17th centuries that lent the practice any sort of opprobrium.

Prostitution, then, is probably as old as civilisation - even if priests, robbers and grave-diggers might also lay claim to the title of 'oldest profession'. Its longevity is a testament to the basic human need it serves.

I have no moral stance on the practice itself. If it's consensual, that's fine. If men wish to pay women for sex (or women wish to pay men for sex) that is entirely their business. My only concern is for the practitioners themselves. As with any other business, I don't like the idea of prostitutes being exploited, intimidated or abused (by unscrupulous pimps or inconsiderate clients); and the scandal of young women or men being trafficked or press-ganged into being sex workers is abhorrent. There you go.

One thing I've not been able to track down is the origin of the slang idiom 'On the game'. Like the 'oldest profession', it probably also dates from late 19th century England when Victoria was queen but euphemism was king.

You may be relieved to learn that this week's poem has absolutely no connection to any of the above and no resemblance (as yet, as far as I can tell) to anyone I know. I don't often write poems as a result of dreams, so this is a rarity...

Waiting For The New Dream Girl
Do you have an identity yet
in my dreams?
Other older lovers,
often confusingly transposed,
masquerade or scold.
Some tug at flailing heart-strings,
their allure not entirely cold.
They give me unquiet nights
of troubled thoughts.

But in our shadowy trysts
I sense a different anima,
playful, not yet focused,
daring me to define
and then to mind you
somewhere in the waking world.
Such presentiments, by light of day,
might prove to signify nought...
Were I to find you, would I know?

Thanks for reading. Have a good week, S ;-)

156 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fascinating. No wonder people liked going to church!

Steve Rowland said...

Anon, are you intimating "religion with benefits"? I'm prepared to believe that may have been the case in the days of templedom - but for the last 500 years (and more) it's probably been an excuse for predator priests to sexually exploit vulnerable members of their flocks - allegedly :-(

Anonymous said...

Great blog. Funny and informative.

Anonymous said...

Highly entertaining. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Interesting blog. Interesting poem.

Anonymous said...

I'm loving the Apocryphal Plaice ;-)

Anonymous said...

The blog is both informative and amusing, the poem is lovely in a wistful way. Well done.

The Existentialist said...

Just read this. A most entertaining blog.

Anonymous said...

What an interesting and well-crafted blog. I love the phrase 'ladies of negotiable affection'.

Tom Shaw said...

Excellent blogging my friend.

Anonymous said...

What a fine blog, fascinating, funny and beautifully written.

Anonymous said...

This was a great read, informative and amusing. Thank you.

GV (Vance) said...

A fascinating blog. I loved the Apocryphal Plaice story and your anecdotal style. Great poem too. Thanks.

Jade Keillor said...

Your blogs are so interesting. I love the poem too.

Harry Lennon said...

So would Vestal Virgins have contravened the Trade Descriptions Act if it had existed B.C? Just asking... An informative and amusing blog.

Anonymous said...

Scandalously good blogging.

Anonymous said...

Most interesting this and very well written.

Luke Taylor said...

That was a great read. Well skated Steve.

Anonymous said...

Very enjoyable. Nice poem too.

F O'Jay said...

Having only recently discovered your dead good blogs, I'm enjoying catch-up. I thought this was terrific and how appropriate for a Sunday morning ;)

Rod Downey said...

Another great read and a thought-provoking poem. Are you published at all? I couldn't find anything on Amazon.

Stu Hodges said...

You have a very engaging style. This was informative and amusing and I really enjoyed your tall tale and your poetry. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

What a fabulous blog, funny and informative. Excellent reading :)

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I laughed out loud at some of this, not the poem (obviously) which is great.

A Shropshire Lass! said...

That was seriously good blogging, educational (!), amusing and poetic as well. I loved it.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this - great piece of writing.

Jen McDonagh said...

Very good!

Beth Randle said...

I've just discovered these Dead Good Blogs. Some great writing. I like this one in particular - witty and informative. Enjoyed some of the comments too.

Anonymous said...

Excellent blog.

Brian Cassell said...

Another great read.

Bickerstaffe said...

Thoroughly entertaining and instructive blog Steve. Your own comment about 'religion with benefits' made me chuckle. Did the New Dream Girl ever materialise? I loved the poem. KB

Oya Onis said...

Brilliant!

Sahra Carezel said...

Could it be? x

Max Page said...

Sterling blogging, intelligent and amusing.

Anonymous said...

Most enjoyable and instructive! Nice poem too, btw.

Darren Wilkes said...

Excellent blog!

Anonymous said...

What a great post and I enjoyed the commentaries as well. 'Religion with benefits'...very amusing.

Dobson said...

One of the best blogs I have read - not only informative but written with such wit and style and so many great turns of phrase. I particularly like 'when Victoria was queen but eupehmism was king'.

Ellen Johnstone said...

So well written and fascinating to read.

Anonymous said...

That's a terrific piece of writing. I loved the tall chip shop tale and the poetry.

Francesca Marrone said...

Very funny.

Nick Ball said...

What an entertaining and informative piece, so well written. I liked the speculative poem as well. Top blogging and I'll check out more of what you've posted.

Anonymous said...

Beautifully balanced account and an intriguing poem. The statue is lovely as well... who was she?

Lesley Harrison said...

Brilliant blog, funny and informative. I loved it.

Boz said...

Apocryphal Plaice - love it (with littler chips). Storming blog la! How come I never saw this before?

Anonymous said...

What a fab blog, funny and interesting with a lovely poem.

Lina Gulhane said...

This was fascinating and very funny. I love your blogs.

Peter Fountain said...

I really enjoyed the blog. Packed with info, humour and an intriguing poem. I read the comments too - liked the one about 'religion with benefits'.

Milton B Quinlan said...

Written with great panache sir. I hope you find your anima!

Wes Carter said...

This had me laughing out loud.

Terence Scudamore said...

What a fabulous blog! Really one of the best things I've read in a long time.

Mary Jane Evans said...

I loved this Steve. Very good.

Jilly Boyd-Hennessey said...

What a fabulous blog.

Anonymous said...

A most instructive and entertaining read. 👍

Roy Wilson said...

Illuminating and amusing in equal measure, plus I love your poem.

Steve Parsons said...

I've read that 'chips will be littler' story before but the himmler and goering bits are new to me. Very funny altogether.

Chris Wilkie said...

Top blogging 👍👍👍

Anonymous said...

Fascinating as well as funny and so well written. Whose is the statue?

Dan Horne said...

Instructive - lots of 'I didn't know thats'; witty - love the resourceful chippie girls; wistful - a most interesting poem. Great blogging that.

Naomi Parker said...

Great writing, both funny and informative.

Anonymous said...

Apocryphal Plaice - genius. Red herrings a specialty? I loved all of this clever and informative blog.

Nat Sinclair said...

Such a great read. Top blogging and a tantalising poem.

Matt Wilson said...

Top blogging that :)

Anonymous said...

Fabulous writing!

Alistair Bradfield said...

Congratulations. That was most enjoyable, your concerns groundless. It was funny and informative and I'll make a point of reading more - have bookmarked your site.

Anonymous said...

Great blog ❤️

Geoff Stone said...

Informative and witty writing and an intriguing poem.

T.P. Ledley said...

That's a fine blog. 👍

Brett Cooper said...

The religious connotations of the oldest profession were new to me. You write with great style. I enjoyed the apocryphal tale and the poetry. Good on ya'!

Felicity Goodwin said...

Brilliant :)

Anonymous said...

Extremely interesting and very well written. 👍

Anonymous said...

Amusing, educative and most entertaining. Great blog.

Seb Politov said...

Fascinating to read the derivation of world's oldest profession. I loved the jokey wartime tale and enjoyed your anima poem. All very well put together - a fine blog. I shall definitely check out more.

Lizzie Fentiman said...

This is excellent Steve. I don't know why I never picked up on it before.

Anonymous said...

Informative and amusing blog. In my experience, French prostitutes are always most accomodating (only joking)!

Monika Spengler said...

Brilliant writing :)

Tim Vanleet said...

So that's really interesting and funny writing. Most enjoyable blog. 👍

Callum Watson said...

I'm late to the party with this one but I really enjoyed your blog, great style and sense of humour. As for the origins of 'on the game', there is an allusion as far back as Shakespeare's Troilus And Cressida' (1602) as follows: "Set them down / For sluttish spoils of opportunity / And daughters of the game."

Nathalie Baechtold said...

Very interesting and amusing.

Anonymous said...

Excellent and entertaining read. 👏

Hannah Wrigley said...

Brilliant blogging!

Gemma Gray said...

Fascinating and funny, a great read.

Anonymous said...

That was a brilliant read, enlightening, entertaining, poetic.

Colin Hawkswell said...

An excellent post, informative and funny. I need to explore your back pages!

Nick Pareze said...

That was an education :D

Will Powers III said...

English humor! I get it.

Dan Johnson said...

Super blogging! :)

Caroline Asher said...

Funny any fabulous. Well done.

Ozzie Phimister said...

This was a great read. I enjoyed your exposition on the origins of prostitution, that fishy wartime tale and the dream-poem.

Elise Curzon said...

Top blog! Apocryphal Plaice piece was a tale well told and the background to the world's oldest profession made fascinating reading. I loved the poem too.

Damian Curtis said...

Excellent account, amusing spoof, loved the poem. All beautifully written. 👍

Sami Chandra said...

Most fine writing.

Anonymous said...

Who's that girl?

Dick Arnold said...

A great post, informative, witty and with a lovely poem. Well done.

Micky Sherwin said...

Most enjoyable.

Jim Ketteridge said...

Fascinating, funny and so well written. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Anonymous said...

Congrats. That was such a great read. 👍

Lisa Roberts said...

A super post, really entertaining and informative.

Barry Mitchell said...

A thoroughly enjoyable read, amusing and insightful and I like the poem, which is the very quintessence of alluring dreamlife.

Nicci Haralambous said...

Very well pitched, Steve, full of interesting revelations. You might know Greek legend has it that virgins were sent to serve at the temple of Athena at Troy for decades as thanks for victory in the war.

Tanya Green said...

Ooh, I didn't know most of that, though I've heard a variant on the "owing to Hitler chips will be littler" anecdote before. A great blog and poem :)

Sonja Makarova said...

Fascinating and funny. I love the 'dream' poem, can identify with that!

Anonymous said...

Great read, so entertainingly put together. 👏

Lois Hayburn said...

Very good.

Dai Mallion said...

Regarding the origins of the phrase 'on the game', Wikidictionary has this to say: the game as a euphemism for sexual activity dates to at least Troilus and Cressida (1602) - "Set them down/ For sluttish spoils of opportunity/ And daughters of the game."

Mark Hurley said...

Fascinating and funny blogging, intriguing poetry. Bookmarked :)

Roy Mitchell said...

What a great read. I loved this. Well done.

Anonymous said...

Very good, the blog and the poem.

Brizette Lempro said...

Fascinating and funny. I loved it.❤️

Hayden Hayden said...

Very good. Is that where the phrase 'handmaid of the Lord' comes from? I'd heard a variation of that wartime chips story before, but your embellishment takes it to another level. The poem is intriguing too.

Dean Lansing said...

Excellent! Fluent, funny, informative and another tantalising poem.

Sophia Mapano said...

This was just so interesting. I didn't know about religious concubines. I loved the speculative poem.

Kat(rina) Ellison said...

I've just discovered your blog site this morning. Your writing is tremendous.

Bill Dexter said...

Brilliant! Written with such style and wit. Hugely entertaining.

Anonymous said...

What an excellent post. 👏

Richard Houghton said...

I won't deny it was the title that caught my eye - but what a thoroughly entertaining and informative blog. Great writing and a tease of a poem.

Tim Collins said...

Excellent. Funny, informative and written with great panache.

Adam Sessions said...

Top blogging! I loved the poem too and the beguiling statue. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Anonymous said...

Illuminating!

Poppy Deveraux said...

Very good!

T S Mortimer said...

What a great read and a beguiling poem.

Kevin Sterling said...

Your Apocryphal Plaice tall tale is excellent. As is the poem.

Michael Bonner said...

Well written. That's a great piece.

Danny The Man Mannion said...

Brilliant. Funny. Poetic. 👏👏👏

Geraldine Russell said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this - funny, informative, great writing and speculative poem.

Anonymous said...

I linked to your blog while researching about Rudyard Kipling. What an interesting and entertaining diversion it proved to be. Thank you.😃

Valerie Marchant said...

What an altogether great read, very well written, full of fascinating facts and humorous tales.

Geoffrey Rees said...

A fascinating - and superbly written - post. SS-GB is my personal favourite of Len Deighton's novels. I'd heard the first part of that wartime tale before (the chips will be littler bit) and always believed it was Scouse humour. Whatever, you've repackaged it extremely well. Your brush with Parisian whoredom was equally amusing to read. I enjoyed the poetry too, by the way. Top marks. 👍

Daphne Jolliffe said...

Rudyard Kipling again. I've just read a poem by him on a different blog (about dogs). Interesting to learn he coined the phrase about the "most ancient profession in the world". Your apocryphal tale had me laughing out loud. A most entertaining read.

Mel Pearce said...

Excellent. I found this both amusing and informative, stylishly written and with a lovely speculative poem.👏

Mike Flanagan said...

Very good, very funny, loved the picture (who was she?) and the liminal loved poem.

Anonymous said...

A fascinating and funny blog. Your comment about 'religion with benefits' amused me and I really like the poem.

Will Griffin said...

A great read, most entertaining. I liked the Dream Girl poem a lot.

Robbie Brown said...

What an excellent post!

Dom Patterson said...

That was an enlightening read, as well as being very amusing. Great poem too.

Millie Baxter said...

Very good. I read somewhere that 'on the game' was Victorian slang for prostitution, so interesting to see a comment that it might date back to Shakespeare's time. Maybe it's the oldest game?

Becca Riley said...

Fascinating read and tantalising poetry.

Alex Stengelis said...

Fascinating reading, very funny, lovely picture, great poem. 👏

Merryl Brascou said...

A funny, charming, informative blog.

Demelza Hoyle said...

An excellent read, funny and fascinating.

Josie Lightwood said...

What a great blog, fascinating, informative and witty. I loved the apocryphal tale and the poetry. ❤️

Greg Philpott said...

Brilliant piece.

Ben Cahill said...

So well written. I never knew... 👍

Caitlin Shaw said...

An absolute treat to read. I loved the dream poem too.

Rosie Lucas said...

A great post, amusing, engaging and informative. Whoever she is, she's very pretty.

Kate Betzeli said...

Interesting. I admire your style and your poem.

Dev Shastri said...

A fascinating read, you have great style. Loved the anecdotes and the poem. Some of the comments are priceless too.

Louis Tan said...

Excellent writing, funny and informative. Also great poetry.

Gabi Lawson-Jones said...

This was a great read. Amusing fish & chips story, also your wry anecdote of your encounter with a French street-worker. I enjoyed the speculative poem very much too.

Greg Mason said...

An excellent and enlightening read (amusing as well). I loved some of your phrases: Ladies of Negotiable Affection, When Victoria was queen but euphemism was king. Also your speculative dream poem.

Simon Bragg said...

The title intrigued and the content didn't disappoint. A most entertaining read. 👍

Shayne McKenna said...

So much to glean from this. I hadn't realised the Church sanctioned prostitution for instance. I enjoyed your funny fish and chip story and the Dream Girl poem.

Mike de Sousa said...

An entertaining post. Query if whoring counts as a 'profession' though :)

Anonymous said...

A most amusing post and a touching poem.

David Spencer said...

What a great post. Well done sir!

Faye Webster said...

I loved reading this post, so witty and informative and what a tantalising poem.