Ice Cream

Here’s a few tunes: Amazing Grace, Edelweiss, O Sole Mio, Greensleeves, Match of the Day, Soul Limbo ( Test Match Special theme ), Amarillo and Ice Ice Baby by American rapper, Vanilla Ice. That last one was a clue.

They are all tunes played by ice cream vans in the UK. There are loads more and they can now be played for 12 seconds rather than the 4 seconds allowed before relaxation of the Code of Practice on Noise From Ice Cream Vans rules a few years ago. What rules? you may ask. Here are the others:

1 Chimes cannot be played more than once every two hours in any one street
2 Chimes cannot be louder than 80 decibels
3 Chimes should not be played in sight of any other van
4 Chimes can be played only once on the approach to a selling point and only once when stationary
5 There must be an interval of at least 2 minutes between the chimes being played
6 Chimes cannot be sounded within 50 metres of a hospital or 50 metres of a school during school hours.
7 Chimes cannot be sounded within 50 metres of a church or place of worship on a Sunday.

What about the issue of copyright? While traditional pieces such as the classic 'Greensleeves' are now in the public domain, more recent songs are protected by copyright law. Playing tunes in a commercial capacity involves obtaining a PRS for Music licence, while a licence from PPL (the Phonographic Performance Limited) is usually required to ensure that the artist receives a fair share of any resulting profits. Even Vanilla Ice. But if you want to have your own jingle, there are companies who will customize the chimes for you.

I couldn’t help wondering about the technicalities. The earliest chimes were operated like a music box and fitted with a magnetic pickup and amplifier. It wasn't until 1958 that transistors transformed the van chime, along with amplifiers that could be fitted to the vehicle's battery. Traditional British ice-cream vans have tended to use Grampian Horn loudspeakers, angled downwards, towards the road, to diffuse the sound.

And the tunes do seem to be needed. There was an ice-cream van owner in Scarborough who had decided not to have chimes on his van but he found that when he turned up to events the children would be so disappointed there was no chime on his van that he had to get one. Mind you, can you imagine being the poor devil who has to listen to the same tune every few minutes all day, I’m not surprised he didn’t want a chime.

And for anyone who objects to the sound try this: Under Section 62 within the Control of Pollution Act, 1974 action may be taken if ice-cream van chimes are sounding after 7:00pm, or before 12:00pm (Midday), or if they are sounded at anytime as to cause an annoyance. There is a code of practice which states it's an offence to sound chimes 'so as to cause annoyance'. From what I’ve read you could do this but expect a great deal of flak from the neighbours if you do.

So, what music would I have on my ice cream van? After a great deal of thought (i.e. 12 seconds – see above) I would go for Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ as seen in Apocalypse Now. It would certainly tell customers that you are in the area and for those who didn’t want you, then it would terrify them.

Two Benches Away

Screaming to a halt,
and I mean screaming,
they fell onto the bench

the wheel chair not suited
to the steep slopes of Criccieth.
They were still laughing
when the rest of them arrived,
residents, carers and ice creams
out for more than a stroll
on a promenade flatter than accents.

I held the phone so you could hear voices
full of castles and laughter,
and you said something that surprised me,
something about words,
about the naming of things,
and for a second I was lost,

you said Care and Residential,
and it brought back homes,
the Nursing Homes where my brief visits
would interrupt the routine,
where the armchairs were benches
and the patients were boulders
surrounded by crisps, fag ends
and pools drying in the afternoon sun
with big screen views of Arizona
or a game show from Pebble Mill.
But I did nothing, I did my job,
chased up an extra biscuit,
talked about holidays
and looked the other way.

Terry Quinn