And so to bed

 by Ashley Lister

 OMG. WTF? FFS. There are some days when I despise modern life. Admittedly, I ♥ my smartphone, and I love broadband, microwave pizza and instant porn downloads.

But I despise what our modern world is becoming.

This week’s theme is ‘under the bed’. In a bid to do some thorough research I looked beneath my own bed. There are dust-bunnies there the size of direwolf puppies. I found a couple of socks that I’d thought lost. And I encountered a spider the size of Aragog.

But I didn’t find much in the way of inspiration.

So I tried looking on Google. I searched for the phrase “and so to bed”. This is the line immortalised by diarist Samuel Pepys. True, he wasn’t really a poet and therefore it's not wholly apposite for this blog. But Pepys was a social commentator and his works are considered literary classics in that they can be read to illustrate typical interpretations of life in seventeenth century London.

Pepys frequently concluded his diary entries with the phrase: and so to bed. It’s a seventeenth century end-of-chapter catchphrase on a par with Forest Gump’s “That’s all I have to say about that,” or The Beverley Hillbillies exhortation: "Y'all come back now, y'hear," or the parting lines from each episode of the Adam West Batman series: "same bat-time, same bat-channel."

But Google does not list Pepys as the top item associated with the phrase 'and so to bed.' Instead, Google provides links to a chain of bed shops called: And so to bed.

FFS. OMG. WTF?

I have nothing against bed shops (or any other establishments) going for whacky names. I have nothing against the pages of our literary heritage being raped and pillaged to provide titles for erstwhile anodyne retail outlets. I just feel a little saddened that Pepys's works will in future years be associated with a bed shop.

What next?

Joseph Conrad’s spooky DVD rentals: “The horror! The horror!”

Shakespeare’s double-glazing company: “What light through yonder window breaks?”

Chaucer’s bathroom fittings: "The wife of Bath."

Further suggestions for such literary bastardisations would be appreciated in the comments box below.