Is this a question? A last stand from Lancashire.

Good afternoon readers,

As a Proud Northerner, I am often accused of being abrasive, brash, rude, offensive and well, you get the point. I must offer a reason for this- I'm just too Northern sometimes. I have no problem starting conversations on public transport and admittedly, find amusement on the Tube in this way. I always have a comment at a checkout, something my long suffering girlfriend has now grown to live with but despite my trying to tone this down there are just some things that can't be shifted.
Now don't get me wrong, I can change aspects of this. I've mellowed massively since going vegan, I don't play my music over about eight without headphones, I try and pronounce my vowel sounds when she thinks we're somewhere posh and I'm sober more often than I even see a good pub these days. I also haven't insisted we get a whippet, yet.
But those Northern things- the decent ale, the meat and two veg meals, showing friendliness to any passer by in the street whether I know them or not- they are hard habits to kick and so, despite being a vegan that has shrunk in size from a Peter Kay lookalike to being compared to a bloody figure skater on the telly (Jason Brown?), I insist on holding on to a few things. I like my homely words. I like my stodge. I like my knowing where everything stands.
On that note then, the answer to the most ridiculous question it is possible to ask me- 'what's for tea'. I call it

The Lancastrian's Last Stand

Friday night means tea is chips with gravy,
pie and peas, served with a buttered barm.
The listing order signifies proportions
you once said being Northern gave me charm.

It doesn't mean a bap, a batch or teacake -
they aren't the terms for bread I will accept,
the word is barm lass, and the chips go in it.
What a question! Glad that's off me chest.


Thanks for reading,
S.