I spent a lot of time frowning, sulking and hating everyone. My Nanna hugged me and told me I was at an awkward age and it would pass soon enough. I wasn’t convinced but I didn’t argue with her, I never did. She was my rock. She was one of those strong, salt of the earth, Northern women of my family that I’ve mentioned before. She’d lived through two world wars, personal heartbreak, lost a child in infancy and was soon to lose another daughter. (I thought my mum was getting better at the time.) She could still put everyone in their place with a steely glare. I hope she knows how much I loved her. I kept her company watching the world go by from our bay window above the pub. The promenade was full of holiday makers, including groups of ‘flower people’ in bright clothes and bells round their necks. She called them ‘silly daft buggers’, the same as she’d called John Lennon and Yoko Ono when she saw their TV news interviews in bed on their honeymoon.
‘The Ballad of John and Yoko’ seemed to be all we heard from the juke box downstairs. We always knew what was playing just by the rhythm that thumped through our floor. I would go on to the landing to listen to the words of their story. The lyrics fascinated me. John and Yoko were doing their own thing and it was ok.
For a while, I showed my rebellious side more than anything else, but I wasn’t all bad and I could have been worse – I really know that I could have been a lot worse, if not for my Nanna and the ounce of common sense I hung on to.
As an ‘almost rebel’ I would be Lorna in my poem ‘The Ballad of a Lady Jazz Singer’, but I don’t smoke, drink or sing like Janis Joplin and the only bass player I would ever slink off with is John Lodge, an unlikely situation as we’re both happily married to other people.
The Ballad of a Lady Jazz Singer
Jazz tempo piano and a bluesy
guitar
It’s two a.m. in the Ritzy Bar.
Lorna sips gin through a long,
curly straw
As she sits and waits, one eye on
the door.
He said he’d be along to see her
set
But he’d promised before – never
made it yet.
Minutes away from her spot with
the band,
She leans a bit further back in
her seat
And her red stiletto taps out the
beat.
She’s laughing and swaying, about
to begin,
Adrenaline rush, or too much pink
gin.
She’s out of her mind, but not
really crazy.
Her vision is soft-focus, smoky
and hazy.
Tight black dress, short,
strapless and low,
Only put on for this kind of
show.
She clutches the mic stand,
there’s a hint of a smile
Then she bangs out a song in her
Joplin-esque style.
Heat and smoke hit hard on her
throat
But she stays on key and finds
the right note.
Much clapping and cheering, the
Ritzy’s alive
Lorna kept singing ‘til quarter
to five
Then staggered out happy in the
dawning new day
With her bass playing new lover
leading the way.
Thanks for reading, Pam x
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