by Mark Mace Smith, aka Thud Dub
I resolve to never purposefully die or injure myself this year. I resolve to never repeat myself. I resolve to be nice to small children even if they stink of poo. I resolve to get to know my neighbours better so that I can learn their habitual movements and thus can play really loud music when I know that they are out or, if they are utter wankers, really loud music when I know that they are definitely in. I resolve to write more. I resolve to get every swear word that I enjoy employing in writing recognised by the spell checker on my computer so that it never again underlines another well justified, appropriately utilised profanity. I resolve to tell women whom I find attractive that I find them attractive instead of just going around pulling their hair, giggling like a school boy and then masturbating to computer porn. I resolve to enjoy masturbating without pseudo-psycho-catholic guilt. I resolve to always masturbate in private. I resolve to be happy, I resolve to trust myself. I resolve to enjoy the NOW. I resolve to believe in myself even when others doubt me. I resolve to believe in myself even when I am doing something quite unbelievable. I resolve to believe in myself even when I‘m tripping off mi fackin tits. I resolve to stop baiting religious types by attempting to undermine their ridiculous, illogical, war-mongering, idiotic religious beliefs… next year. I resolve to cry when I feel tearful. I resolve to be strong when I feel fearful. I resolve to stop when I’ve had a bellyful. I resolve to laugh more and more often even if it is at other people’s misfortune, however, with the knowledge that Karma will ‘beat-me-around-the-face-and-neck-a-bit’ in her own sweet time and, should Karma mash-me-up-bad, laughter is the best medicine. I resolve to make more art and show it. I resolve to be an Artist and know it. I resolve to keep-on-keeping-on being the poet. I resolve to accept every proffered offer of hospitality that isn’t a blatantly obvious attempt to kidnap, imprison and/or rape me. I resolve to pause occasionally to look at the rainbows. I resolve to pause occasionally before saying “fuck it” and diving straight in. I resolve to pause occasionally before coming... I resolve to play some sports, of some kind, at some point, in some place, with someone, most probably a girl. I resolve to tell people to “Fuck Right Off!” when I want those people to “Fuck Right Off!” even if I’m playing sports and I’m talking to the referee. I resolve to be a good sport as long as I’m winning. I resolve to… probably not to… bother to… play sports at all… I think it’s best. I resolve to know my limits by finding out my limits and trying to remember what those limits actually are before attempting to push those limits again. I resolve to push my limits. I resolve to never repeat myself... again.
I resolve to never purposefully die or injure myself this year. I resolve to never repeat myself. I resolve to be nice to small children even if they stink of poo. I resolve to get to know my neighbours better so that I can learn their habitual movements and thus can play really loud music when I know that they are out or, if they are utter wankers, really loud music when I know that they are definitely in. I resolve to write more. I resolve to get every swear word that I enjoy employing in writing recognised by the spell checker on my computer so that it never again underlines another well justified, appropriately utilised profanity. I resolve to tell women whom I find attractive that I find them attractive instead of just going around pulling their hair, giggling like a school boy and then masturbating to computer porn. I resolve to enjoy masturbating without pseudo-psycho-catholic guilt. I resolve to always masturbate in private. I resolve to be happy, I resolve to trust myself. I resolve to enjoy the NOW. I resolve to believe in myself even when others doubt me. I resolve to believe in myself even when I am doing something quite unbelievable. I resolve to believe in myself even when I‘m tripping off mi fackin tits. I resolve to stop baiting religious types by attempting to undermine their ridiculous, illogical, war-mongering, idiotic religious beliefs… next year. I resolve to cry when I feel tearful. I resolve to be strong when I feel fearful. I resolve to stop when I’ve had a bellyful. I resolve to laugh more and more often even if it is at other people’s misfortune, however, with the knowledge that Karma will ‘beat-me-around-the-face-and-neck-a-bit’ in her own sweet time and, should Karma mash-me-up-bad, laughter is the best medicine. I resolve to make more art and show it. I resolve to be an Artist and know it. I resolve to keep-on-keeping-on being the poet. I resolve to accept every proffered offer of hospitality that isn’t a blatantly obvious attempt to kidnap, imprison and/or rape me. I resolve to pause occasionally to look at the rainbows. I resolve to pause occasionally before saying “fuck it” and diving straight in. I resolve to pause occasionally before coming... I resolve to play some sports, of some kind, at some point, in some place, with someone, most probably a girl. I resolve to tell people to “Fuck Right Off!” when I want those people to “Fuck Right Off!” even if I’m playing sports and I’m talking to the referee. I resolve to be a good sport as long as I’m winning. I resolve to… probably not to… bother to… play sports at all… I think it’s best. I resolve to know my limits by finding out my limits and trying to remember what those limits actually are before attempting to push those limits again. I resolve to push my limits. I resolve to never repeat myself... again.
