written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Showing posts with label Marvell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marvell. Show all posts

Saturday, 16 February 2013

To His Recently Married Mistress

00:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , 1 comment
 by Ashley Lister

This is a poem I read at a recent Dead Good Poets event. I've repeated it here (this week) because I think it summarises my thoughts on sad Valentines.

To His Recently Married Mistress

(an addendum to Marvell’s poem)

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;

But you’ve got plans until tommora
Watching Emerdale, TOWIE, Corra
Walking dogs, delousing cats
Shopping for shoes and women’s hats
Trawling round Asda. Then Tesco.
Complaining that the muggles are too damned slow
Checking out eBay, threatening to cook
Moaning about some shite from FaceBook
Tweeting bollocks (through GoodReads)
Bitching at the crap in your news feeds
Moaning always – around the clock
Doing any damned thing to avoid my cock.

Had we but world enough, and time again.
I’d likely do your sister – or perhaps I’d just do men.
Ash

Saturday, 22 September 2012

To His Coy (Pirate) Mistress

00:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , 2 comments

 By Ashley Lister

 Because we’re discussing poetry and pirates, I thought I would pirate a poem. This used to be To His Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell. Now it’s To His Coy (Pirate) Mistress. Please note that the words in brackets need to be read in a strong pirate accent.

Had we but world enough, and time, (me hearties)
This coyness, (matey), were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way (anchor)
To walk (the plank), and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the (Jolly Roger’s) side (ye scallywag)
Shouldst (pieces of eight) find; I by the tide
Of Humber (aaarghhh) would complain (like a scurvy dog). I would
Love you ten years (up the poop deck) before the Flood;
And you should, (hornswaggle) if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews. (And a bottle of rum).
My vegetable love (cock) should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow. (Yo-ho-ho).

I refrained from going any further with this piece for fear of upsetting any delicate landlubbers.