written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Showing posts with label Not poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Not poetry. Show all posts

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Another blog on how to be a writer.

Poetry Exercises: The Long Three Stages

1. Read the first book in the library, the first link of a web search or the first handout you're offered. Attempt said exercise- describing in rhyme the innards of a fruit bowl, for example.

2. Attend a poetry reading, a festival tent, a literature festival, a book signing or any other opportunity you get to see actual 'paid' poets perform. Learn as much as you can and try to forget that dreadful exercise you attempted in step one. Instead, work for a few years purely imitating your new Word Gods and Goddesses. You'll find their work in bookshops- tucked in amongst other essential reading.

3. Throw away your inhibitions. You've been doing this for ages now and where has it really got you. Write what you can, when you can because if it dries up, you're back to step two. You should write the poetry that you want to write- paying careful attention to the lessons you've gleaned from others but remaining overall, true to yourself. You've done the legs so take a seat for a minute. Would you like a pencil?

Thanks for reading, 

S.


Sunday, 30 June 2013

Reading lists

02:48:00 Posted by Unknown , , , 1 comment
"Which book should I read next" she said, as if I was half expecting this kind of talk one Wednesday after work.
I had no idea what to say, I'll be honest with you. I took one look at my side of the newly crammed bookshelf- eyes frantically scanning the spines for some kind of offer and worried. "McEwan" I told her.
I always say McEwan, ever since I was forced to read Enduring Love at A Level I've been a bit of a sucker for it. You know what you're getting and I like that. The book I wanted to thrust at her wasn't there though- so I couldn't recommend Amsterdam as something to pass an afternoon.
I scanned again, "Uhm...". The pressure was on- she has read everything. I can't pick a classic without the bluffer's guide to hand, and I'm forced to delve again into a supply of books I read ten years ago. "Ballard. You haven't read Concrete Island. We did a comparison with The Tempest when I studied it- you'll like that."
I was flapping here. Maybe she'd realise that my bookshelf is full of books I've never actually finished reading. The last thing I needed was to pluck out a seemingly innocent sounding title- A Clockwork Orange for example- and it turn out to be a half sadistic account of crime and debauchery. No, I should stay safe and for a couple of days I could blag from memory how the similarities are there- she wouldn't ask me about the ending, I was pretty sure of that.
The eyes that looked back at me were set to glaze over. She'd heard these before perhaps, last time she asked this. My lips began to move and all the things I had decided were a bad idea started to churn from my mouth. "Less Than Zero," I said. "Nick Cave too- that's a cracker". What was I doing. She thinks I like poetry- like I'm some sort of deep creature- how can I be recommending these books to her. She'll see me for who I am. It was done though, and from that point there was no going back. The facade that shrouded my books was gone, smashed, and the thousands of glistening smithereens glared back at me from the floor, daring me to cut my feet.
I confessed there and then. "It is hard to recommend something for you really," I paused, "a lot of those books on there I haven't got round to reading yet".
The burden was lifted. It was only a white lie. So what if we'd bought new bookcases to accommodate the load and I was more of a collector than a reader- did it matter. She could never know I've only read about a dozen or so 'decent books'- and I wasn't going to tell her.
That moment actually came a long time ago in this relationship. Back then I thought I had got away with it. Women always know more than we credit them with though, in the nicest possible way, and somehow she found out I read poetry because I have the attention span of a gnat. She understood that I liked it to be neat, finish-able without a major effort and, for a long time didn't even buy me poetry books if too many poems crossed one page.
Then it was Wednesday again. All of a sudden, like the last three years hadn't happened and she didn't know that I knew that she knew I'd been bluffing and I'd never touched the Dickens, it was Wednesday and she turned and asked which book she should read next. Did she know it was the very theme we were writing to this week? I flapped. "McEwan," I said and her eyes rolled.
"Just leave me a little pile of books- I'm off on Sunday".
Here goes then.

Glen Duncan- I, Lucifer.
Brett Easton Ellis- Less Than Zero
JG Ballard - Concrete Island
Norman Mailer - The Fight
Nick Cave- The Death of Bunny Munro

Cheers for reading, S.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Memento Moribund

08:30:00 Posted by Damp incendiary device , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 comments
*Contains words which some people (probably not my friends and for reasons which I've never really understood) may find offensive*

Last week I killed a cat.  So my teenage daughter tells me.  I took a popular image of a grumpy cat and added some text.  It was a political comment.  It required a bit of thinking.  It wasn't funny.  Contemporary humour - I'm doing it wrong.  It's an age thing.

This week an old lady phoned my workplace and told me about the trouble she was having with her new phone.  You're thinking about the difficulty in adapting to the Android platform after using iOS arent you?  No - she was struggling with a new touchpad phone...On her landline (remember those?).  For her, this was a mammoth leap.  Not for her trending buzzwords or memes.  And not for me either it appears.  I don't have the necessary inclination, or youth, to keep up with that shit.  I only just figured out how to copy and paste on my tablet.  It took me 2 weeks.

And now, with a hop to the right, a shuffle backwards and an undignified lurch into a ditch, here are some vaguely comedic offerings which grew out of the awkward theme: Child's Play. 


Vicky's Very Helpful Guide to Register 
(or How to Paint Your Personality a Likeable Shade of Puce)

Describing Your Manager's Job Description

To your colleague: I accept that what she does could be described as challenging.
To your mother: It's child's play mum, seriously - even you could do it...Ow!  What was that for?
To your friend: What she does right, it's a fucking piece of piss...A piece...of...piss.


Declaring Your Sincere Gratitude

To your colleague: Ahhh.  You know what, you make a really great brew you do.
To your mother: What? I can't hear you.  Hang on a sec.  Right, what were you saying?  Oh yeah - thanks.
To your friend: Without you, I wouldn't even be here mate.  No, I mean it - you are a hero to me, a bloody hero - you know?  Hero...Like Gandalf or something.


Apologising

To your colleague: I might not have sent that e-mail after all but it really doesn't make much difference if you look at the big picture.
To your mother: Well if you'd said you wanted to leave at 11am, I'd have been here at 11am.  One of us must have got it wrong.
To your friend: No, no, it was me.  Don't you apologise - it's all me.  I'm a right moron.  Here, take my first born in compensation.


Asking a Favour

To a colleague: Ooh, that's going to be awkward....Oh no - I can't believe that's happened...Eek - what am I going to do now?....Ah, seeing as you asked...
To your mother: I'm taking the black dress with the slit up the back.  Remind me to bring it back will you?
To your friend: Right, I'm up the shitty river and I can't roll my sleeves up any further.  What have you got that's paddle-shaped and useful at S&M parties?


Responding to Political Controversy

To a colleague: I'm sure you're right - it'll be good to have a bit of a change.  After all, how much damage can they do in 5 years?
To your mother: I don't care if it was in the Daily Mail - it doesn't make it true in the real world.
To your friend: Cunts.  Creepy, cretinous, clownish cunts.  Huh?  Feminism?  OK...Cocks.  Creepy, cretinous, clownish cocks.










Monday, 13 August 2012

Turning them Loose.



This week on the Dead Good Blog, we’ll be looking at that age old audience splitter, Poetic Forms.  It is a subject I’ve seen light fires on message boards, bringing the radicals out with the Caps Lock and the traditionalists quoting their stanzas. I’ll be interested to see what comes up this week.

I’m prone to shifting myself. As a writer, I have at times scuttled across the corridors to the rogue side and unleashed some free pieces on the world. Other times, usually the more reserved and considered moments, I have sought sanctitude in the constriction that comes with form- the tried and tested, universally respected method. I’ll remind you here, amidst  all this that the word at the top was shifting, it was definitely F in there.

So, what bus are we all on with this? Can we be on both or do they lead to inevitably separate destinations. I suppose, as both a writer and a person we tend to have our moments. I know that I myself will always try and have at least an idea where I am going with a piece, try and crimp the contents to fit the required space.

I find a fixed form can help, sometimes offer inspiration and if you are going to take this method, there is often a library of reading material to pick at whilst you await the Eureka moment. That said, if I could give anyone a bit of advice it is to have the confidence in yourself to just break one loose now and again. Give it a good old grinding down and see how it looks. It might just be the best decision you ever make. It could just be dog but you’ll never know if you don’t try.

Keep on writing,
S.

Monday, 25 June 2012

On Reflection- the best bits.

This week, as we approach our anniversary of blogging, we are looking at the theme of our Favourite Blogging Moments. We are modest like that.

For me, there are plenty of blogging memories- moments over the last (near) year that have surprised me, made me laugh, made me angry, inspired me and yes, probably upset me. To pick just one moment then would be a waste of a perfectly good crowing opportunity- well, it is approaching our birthday.

I have had a bloody good rant for most of this year on the quiet. I seem to have jumped on the soapbox at any given opportunity and so, partly I apologise, though evidently you are still reading the posts- maybe you like them.

My blogging memory so far then is actually a cluster of blogging related memories. Since starting up we’ve written on all sorts of themes and had quite a lot of positive feedback. Sure, I have come further than I thought as a writer in the last year but it is the text message from my mother saying “Just read your blog. I cried xx”, my boss telling me she had logged on and was really impressed, Christo stopping me in town on Saturday to tell me he loved the jubilee post and things like that. And the little award that is sitting next to Lara’s side of the bed at the moment- that too was enjoyable.

I have picked out below, just a few posts from over the year (some mine, some not). I am often asked what we write about daily on a poetry blog and so, for anyone just having a look in- these are some posts I would recommend. Amongst them I found persuasive, reflective, informative, inspiring and brave writing. This is in no way an extensive list- it doesn’t even start to mention all the work everyone does on here but, if I had to single a few posts out as a taster- these are the ones.


Blackpool Poetics (or How I Learned to Love Violence) (Standard draws inspiration from Blackpool)
Nantucket  (Ashley takes a moment to share the perv verse)
The Sleeping Poet (Lara asks the question of what is it to be a poet)
Yonic Monologue (Vicky shares just why it is she writes. Sex, it would seem.)
Britain Has Got Talent. An Apology. (Re-tweeted by The Poetry Society. Maybe my proudest day)
Fibonacci (Could Lindsay’s post about the sequence inspire a poem? It did for at least one blogger.)
 A Little Bit Green or Red, White and Blue. (Is it wrong to love a Jubilee weekend? I get patriotic)

Note: I have intentionally left out the guest bloggers from this list. I’m not here to start fights between poets!  Some great posts from Jo Bell, Fiona Pitt- Kethley and John Siddique amongst many others can be found under the ‘Guest’ tag.

Thanks for reading, S.

Monday, 11 June 2012

A quiet chapter



Joyce used to phone me once a day. I used to predict her ring, always coming at a time familiar if only in its inconvenience. I knew it was Joyce calling me at work, just as the local school kicked out. I knew it was Joyce just as I was locking up on a Sunday lunchtime. If the phone was going to ring whilst I was having a fag out front- it would predictably be Joyce on the other end.

She didn’t call today though. Instead, I received a personal visit from a relative, purely on a business level. The truth is, the little old lady around the corner seems to have become too much of an inconvenience to everybody. Her niece has closed the newspaper account. 

Shortly before she did this, I informed her that should she be returning from her stay at a local home, Joyce needs her taps doing. Six or seven panicked phone calls last week led me to pay a visit- I was not too impressed when I found a lonely nonagenarian in a house with no hot water. I had offered to stay for a brew by this point- cue a trip to the shop for non-sour milk- and on my return, was welcomed in by two carers, neither of whom had a clue about the faulty boiler, the lack of running water or the abundance of sour half pints- both however, had a tick chart.
I have been thinking about this half hour for over a week now. It has made me question the very nature of the system we are in these days. At what point does a carer manage to pass on all responsibility- a term that crops up on almost all the dictionary definitions I have checked. At what point do basic facilities and perhaps a chat for five minutes become surplus to requirements. At what point does someone need to step in and say, hang on- that just isn’t right.

To their credit, the young paperboys have been a blessing with Joyce. A few bits here and there have kept her in a steady supply of ‘just passing’ faces. Never one to shy away from a chat, she has snared many a lad into a drawn out conversation. The boys have called her mad. They’ve called her crazy. She has been scary, a witch and often bloody annoying. Almost all of them call her lonely these days.

I would love nothing more than for the phone to ring tomorrow and for it to be her on the line. I know that it won’t go- she has no reason to call us from where she is, and if we’re all honest, the fact she is in there makes me sure it won’t go. As happens with age, things are slipping. Her mind seems to be elsewhere most of the time- stuck in the memories dearest that are still so sharp in her thoughts.

To sit with Joyce was a pleasure. If I can, I will be staying in touch- I don’t feel I can just wander off. She might want to talk about her husband and the champion moustache he used to sport. Maybe she wants someone who actually knows her to talk to, rather than just another new face that matches up to a new badge. I have learnt a hell of a lot from just talking with such a dear old lady and so, I suppose this piece is for her, or the thought of those in her shoes.

Joyce has shown me how important it is to write. The idea of my memories crumbling around me, with only the furthest ones being there to draw from terrifies me. In a way, it kick starts you thinking about just how many moments you can hold in your mind. A single day could be rich enough to create a novel and yet a year may pass with such silence it barely makes a chapter. To be alone and losing your mind, well, I have serious sympathy for anyone struggling with such a disease. I also have serious concern for the sheer number of pensioners out there that share the situation- those with a distant relative that writes the cheques and nobody else.

If I think of myself, sixty years from now, I don’t know what I’ll be remembering. I would like to think that it will be the things I feel are important now, if not quite so clear cut. To write is to keep a journal for myself of all the things significant enough to make it into poems. I look forward to a day I can read them back- and just hope by then there are still people around I can share them with.


The theme this week is Displacement Activities- that is, things you do when you’re doing other things, often unrelated- like how I bite my tongue when I think.

Thanks for reading,
S.

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

A little bit green, or Red, White and Blue


First of all- what a weekend!


By the time you are reading this I expect the weather will have returned to its usual self (raining) and any remaining interest in the Royal family could be waning. Not mine though. I started out the weekend as one of the many ‘why shouldn’t we have a Queen’ people- on the basis that we have one already and so why should we change it. After watching Her Majesty float down the Thames waving for 4 hours, all in the smacking rain and wind, I was completely bowled away.

There are 86 year old women that come into the newsagents. They use the chair we leave by the card stand, invariably wheezing and moaning about the top of the hill and the speed of everybody. I am probably told three or four times a day that ‘things don’t work as they used to’. To see the Queen then, whom the Express recently reported has worked more days in 2012 than all the MPs, going so strongly after sixty years of the job, I feel so proud I want to start licking a stamp. One of our stamps. With our Queen on. 

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Every Little Thing

Metal security shutters clattered down behind a jaded and financially bereaved family as they trudged out into the dark and deserted Tesco car park. Ian Wardle pushed his 18 month old daughter Freya in the pushchair as she slept, enveloped in a swaddle of fleece blankets, her short blonde hair sticking with sweat to her soft, flushed forehead. His previously athletic physique now meandered determinedly towards obesity and his hair was edging dangerously close to the Nicholas Cage horizon. Conversation had progressed from “That's a lot of lager for a tenner.” and “Did you eat that tin of ham?” to “Will you just hurry up and decide please?” and “Why did you bother asking me if you were so sure?” and finally the tight-lipped “No, thanks.” “No.” and “Thanks.” at the till, followed by the reigning, mute resignation. To his left a heavily pregnant Maria forced their laden trolley up a kerb as the icy October air danced down her spine beneath the ridiculously baggy, and draught-permeable, old jumper which she had finally resigned herself to wearing now that her pride had diminished beside the realities of her massive bulge and the unexpected cold snap.



The small car park was surrounded by a raised embankment of trees, positioned to block the immediate sight of the sleeping industrial estate and wasteland which encompassed the supermarket. The blurred silhouette of the aptly named Black Hills were striking in the distance against the frosty, indigo sky. Yellow leaves from the deciduous border were sticking to the windscreen of their Peugeot 205 and a whirlpool of natural debris danced in the gusts around the empty space beside the car. A brief light or reflection in the shadows between the trees made Ian glance to his left and at the same moment the sound of breaking glass rang through the gusty wind from the opposite end of the car park. He turned instinctively towards the sound as Maria yelled.



“Ow! Jesus! What the fuck?!”



She let go of the trolley and attempted to bend over to rub her ankle. Ian put a hand protectively on her back.



“What? What happened? Let me see.”



He bent down to examine her leg, vaguely aware of a second shattering of glass but too distracted to gauge its proximity. Raising the hem of her long, brown skirt he gasped to see the thick, rusted nail hanging from the ragged chunk of flesh it had ripped from her upper shin. As he watched, the blood began to well from the wound and run down her leg, into the calf length boots. Standing to face her, his cheeks whitened with shock, he allowed her to hold his blood covered palm as she held his arm with her other hand to steady herself.



“Is it bad? What is it?”



“It's OK, it's just a nail.”



“Just a nail? Where did it come from?” She sounded frightened but he was too distracted to reassure her for the moment, trying desperately to piece together some innocent events which might have culminated in her injury. Across the tarmac a scattering of leaves and twigs as well as the man-made debris of cigarette ends and plastic food wrappers were travelling in spirals under the wind's direction. It was imaginable that the trolley had caught the nail and driven it up towards her, perhaps as she had pushed it up the kerb. He drew the diagram in his mind, clearly marking the force and trajectory and allowed the comforting logic of physics to calm his fear-ridden imagination. Ian sighed and relaxed, glancing at the motionless tree-line to be sure of their safety.



“It was the trolley.” He replied with confidence. “When you shoved it up the kerb, the nail was under the wheel.”



“Are you sure? Is that possible?” She deferred to him, seeking reassurance as she shifted uncomfortably on the injured leg.



“I'm positive.” He hugged her carefully and stroked her hair. “But listen, we need to get it checked straight away, come on – let's get you in the car.”



“Wait here and hold on to the trolley while I get Freya into the car. I'll come back for you in a minute – don't try to push it by yourself.” He ordered, squeezing her wrist reassuringly.



“OK, but hurry up won't you?” She replied in a small voice. “I feel a bit shaky.”



“Of course, of course.” He soothed. “Just relax – it's going to be fine.”

Ian closed the seatbelt around his daughter carefully, she was tired enough that she might sleep through their excursion to the Accident and Emergency unit and that would be one less thing for them to worry about. He tucked the blanket in around her body and adjusted her head so that it looked comfortable against the cushioned head rest on the side of her car seat. He shuffled back off the seat and closed the door as softly as he could. Again, the sound of breaking glass reached him from the opposite side of the car park. It could, he thought, be coming from somewhere on the industrial estate and be reflected off the side of the supermarket. In fact, it was entirely possible that there was a constant sound of breaking glass coming from some factory or workshop but it was inaudible above the sounds of traffic and commerce at other times.



He began walking towards Maria, who had turned and was now facing away from the car. As he drew close he noticed a second pair of legs behind hers. A remarkably small woman was standing in front of his wife, wearing clothing which was smart but, he observed, quite inappropriate for the weather. Her hair was unusually styled and she had quite a dirty face; he wondered whether she had been in some sort of accident. Maria wasn't saying anything, she appeared to be distracted by something. She was looking in the direction of the trees behind the woman.



“Is everything alright?” Ian directed the question at Maria but she didn't respond. He thought she might be in shock which was perfectly natural but it would be preferable if they started moving towards the car. “I'm sorry but we need to go.” He explained to the small woman who stared back at him mutely. “She's injured her leg and it really needs checking at the hospital so we'd best be going.”



The woman looked from him back to Maria and said in a small, child-like voice “Why is she crying and bleeding and cold?” It seemed an odd way to phrase the question and Ian frowned, trying to gauge whether the woman had a mental disability.



“She's hurt herself. I need to take her to the hospital.” He put a protective arm around Maria's shoulders and tried to turn her towards the car but she didn't seem to want to move. “Come on love, you'll feel better once we get you warmed up in the car.” The strange woman took a small step closer to Maria and put a hand on her bulging belly.



“Why is she tired and broken and leaking?” Ian shuddered as he saw the filth encrusted around the woman's shockingly thin hands caressing his wife's passive body. He noticed that she was smiling grimly, her dark, chapped lips pressed together and her large pupils darting voraciously across Maria's breasts and abdomen. He started to lean forwards to remove her hands and force Maria to come to her senses when he heard a bark from the direction of the car. He turned to see the back door, which he remembered closing, wide open and the back half of a large dog climbing up onto the back seat where his daughter lay unaware of the danger.



“Oh fuck!” He swore quietly, his voice constricted. He ran back to the car, his pulse pounding in his ears. Pulling himself to a skidding halt at the back door he lurched forwards, his hands eager to haul the dog away regardless of injury to himself, but his hands found nothing to grasp. The interior of the car was quite empty – save for his daughter snoring gently and still blissfully unaware of the proceedings. Confused, Ian leaned into the front of the car to check the foot wells, although common sense told him that the dog he had seen would not be able to hide in a gap that small. The dog was clearly not in the car.



He began backing out of the car to look around and was about to stand up when a quiet voice from behind his shoulder made him jump and hit his head hard on the roof, “Why is she missing and silent and gone?” He turned, one hand on his head which was pounding, and looked behind him but there was no sign of the diminutive woman. A mixture of anger and fear welled inside him as he fought to retain control over his imagination. He had to get them all out of here and somewhere bright and populated, he had to have a large cup of something hot and reassuring and he had to inform the police about the over-curious freak who had taken a fancy to his wife's breasts as he was sure someone should have noticed that she was missing.



Twice he looked at the shopping trolley before he accepted the information from his retinas. Their food, toiletries and cleaning products were strewn across the length of the car park. Packets were opened and toilet rolls unfurling in the wind. The trolley itself remained upright and rolled gently backwards down the small kerb.



Maria was missing, silent, gone.