Marmoreal - Legacy of Love

When the time came to choose a new gas fire and surround for the front room, I knew exactly what I wanted; small, white-ish marble with narrow hearth and mantle piece. It had to be marble, not the composite, marmoreal looking stuff that looks like plastic pretending to be brown onyx. It was going to replace a massive, tiled thing with a sunburst design. Hairline cracks in the hearth were stained black from years of having a coal fire – before our time, but we might wish for it this coming winter – and it stretched too far towards the middle of what is quite a small room. A very efficient, old-fashioned gas fire looked like it didn’t belong, but it really blasted the heat out, excellent when needed and served us well. Replacing it wasn’t a financial priority, however, being a beneficiary in the Will of a departed aunt raised the opportunity. I was very happy to find my preferred fireplace and ‘living gas fire’ which still look great in our lounge twenty-odd years later. Thanks again, Auntie.

Auntie’s passing, very sad as it is with a close relative, left me and my sister with added complications in dealing with her estate. My sister took charge of most of it. It was emotional for both of us and I was carrying the added burden of guilt. I’d always had a lovely relationship with Auntie. Things changed as she got older and I was raising my own family. I didn’t completely fall out with her, it was more of a frustrating situation that I didn’t know how to handle.  She would phone me, to tell me off and shout at me for no valid reason. She lived alone in another town a good hour’s drive away, too far to just pop in, another contentious issue.  I had two small children, doing my best for everyone who needed me, including Auntie, but for her, nothing was good enough and I didn’t have the patience to deal with it. If I had, I might have realised that she probably had a form of dementia and needed the right care that I might have been able to find for her. She died before her behaviour made any sense to me.

Nothing was straightforward. Auntie had been living in a council owned bungalow suited to her needs, which had to be emptied within days, even before her funeral. She still owned a property which had to be sold, but some connected finances needed to be cleared before it could go on the market. Bless my sister, I didn’t have the brain to cope. She kept her head straight through it all. Eventually, and it was ages, everything was signed, sealed and delivered. Job done. I’ve kept all of Auntie’s photos and special things. Her archive of family papers sent me on a genealogy journey that I continue to dip in and out of. And, somewhere on this journey I discovered that she didn’t hate me, she loved me as she always had but she was confused and not herself. With some of the monetary inheritance, we bought a beautiful marble fireplace, the perfect size for our lounge.

I don’t do much grave visiting. I carry memories of my departed loved ones in my head and in my heart, all special people, my family. They are so much more than names carved on tombstones or on the marmoreal kerb-like structure surrounding one of our graves.

I found this poem, which reminded me so much of my late mother until the last line, which clearly refers to a lost love. Read it through my eyes and ignore the last bit.

Your Name

When I can dare at last to speak your name
It shall not be with hushed and reverent speech
As if your spirit were beyond the reach
Of homely merry things, kind jest or game.
Death shall not hide you in some jewelled shrine
Nor set you in marmoreal pomp apart,
You who still share the ingle of my heart,
Participant in every thought of mine.

Your name, when I can dare to speak it, dear,
Shall still be linked with laughter and with joy.
No solemn panegyrist shall destroy
My image of you, gay, familiar
As in old happy days,—lest I discover
Too late I’ve won a saint but lost a lover.

Winifred M Letts 1882 - 1972

Thanks for reading, Pam x

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Coal - Fossil Fuel

     There is something soothing about a coal fire.  It isn’t just the warmth, it’s the welcoming glow
     and the hypnotising darting flames.

I remember a few of us going to a friend’s house after youth club. It was an icy night and we were all very happy to be having a supper of tea and toast with her family in their warm, cosy living room. I was almost falling asleep watching the fire from my slouched position on the sofa. It was only the jovial atmosphere keeping me awake and I might have stayed, as I sometimes did at weekends, but this was a school night and soon I would be back out in the cold, heading home with the others.  It’s funny how things stick in your mind.
 

My grandfather once scared me when he was lighting the fire. I think he’s the one who showed me how to make firelighters out of newspaper. It’s a skill I still have, but no call for it. He was trying to get the fire going and nothing was happening, so he held a sheet of newspaper across the fireplace.  There was a tremendous roar that frightened me and the newspaper was sucked into the hearth which had become a furnace. I wasn’t very old, certainly pre-school age. I ran away in tears looking for my mum or my nanna. That same grandfather, who loved me to bits and I adored him, had a network of blue-grey lines on the backs of his hands, like a road map. He told me it was a result of his short time as a coal miner when he was young, before joining the army for WW1. He never returned to the pit. He went into the licenced trade, starting a family tradition.

 I was watching a neighbour’s coal delivery the other day, fascinated to see that nothing had changed. The wagon had stopped across our driveway, which made me look, and it could have been nineteen-fifty-odd again. The coalman’s jacket and the way he heaved the full sack on his back to carry it, was exactly the same as when had coal delivered to the pubs, before central heating took over.

Welcoming in the New Year always involved a lump of coal, a crust of bread and a shilling or a penny – whatever my father had in his pocket. He would go out of the back door and come in the front, with the said items to ensure heat, food and wealth for the year.

Coal mining accidents and disasters have happened world-wide. I remember Aberfan in 1966 and being horrified at the pictures in the paper. A coal tip created by a nearby colliery slid down a hill on to a junior school, demolishing some of it. Many lives were lost, mostly children. The Minnie Pit Disaster in Staffordshire happened in January, 1918. Over a hundred men and boys lost their lives, forty of the pit lads were under sixteen. It inspired Wilfred Owen to write this poem,

 

Miners

 There was a whispering in my hearth,
    A sigh of the coal,
Grown wistful of a former earth
    It might recall.

I listened for a tale of leaves
    And smothered ferns,
Frond-forests, and the low sly lives
    Before the fauns.

My fire might show steam-phantoms simmer
    From Time's old cauldron,
Before the birds made nests in summer,
    Or men had children.

But the coals were murmuring of their mine,
    And moans down there
Of boys that slept wry sleep, and men
    Writhing for air.

And I saw white bones in the cinder-shard,
    Bones without number.
Many the muscled bodies charred,
    And few remember.

I thought of all that worked dark pits
    Of war, and died
Digging the rock where Death reputes
    Peace lies indeed.

Comforted years will sit soft-chaired,
    In rooms of amber;
The years will stretch their hands, well-cheered
    By our life's ember;

The centuries will burn rich loads
    With which we groaned,
Whose warmth shall lull their dreaming lids,
    While songs are crooned;
But they will not dream of us poor lads,
    Left in the ground.

 

Wilfred Owen (18/3/1893 – 4/11/1918)

 

Thanks for reading. Keep safe and well. Pam x 

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