Scales - Tweak That Metronome

 No amount of practising simplified Mozart pieces or running up and down major and minor scales would impress the piano teacher. I stopped trying.

In the pubs I grew up in, there was always a piano, sometimes more than one, and before the juke-box ruled the roost, there was always someone to play it. As a young child it was a skill I longed to learn. I listened to my mother’s Russ Conway records and loved him. I plonked about, wishing a proper tune would come out. It never did. I was enthralled by Sparky’s Magic Piano which we had as a set of 78 rpm records, so badly scratched that they hissed and crackled.  I was about seven and a half when my hands could just about stretch an octave, the required size for piano lessons. A teacher was found.

At first, it was okay. I suppose it was the novelty of actually learning to play the piano properly and it wasn’t all nursery rhyme tunes. It was harder than I had imagined but I soon moved on to simplified versions of the classic composers works which I enjoyed. As I got a bit older, my problem was the teacher and I would dread Saturday mornings so much I would keep a low profile, hoping my dad might forget to take me. He never did. The lessons took place in a small upstairs room at the teacher’s house. The house is close to where I live now and still makes me shudder, though he is long dead and I’m sure his house is a lovely home to someone else. I used to wait in a dim sitting room full of dark furniture with the deep tick-tock of a huge grandfather clock and the piano sounds of the person finishing off their lesson. Then it would be my turn. A whole hour in the little room, foggy and stinking with his cigar smoke that gave me a headache and I would feel tense if he left his desk by the window to stand behind me, always too close. The lesson would begin with a run through the scales and broken chords to warm up then he’d find me a piece of sight-reading that he would complain about. Nothing was good enough. I didn’t play to the correct speed, so he fiddled with the metronome and made me keep time with it over and over until I had it to his satisfaction or I’d given up, fighting tears.

My pleas to stop the lessons fell on deaf ears at home. I was at secondary school with homework and all manner of other things. I’d passed some grades, it must be time for a break. I tried to explain what made me feel uncomfortable and wary of the teacher, a hand on my shoulder, a hand on my thigh, just standing too close to me. I couldn’t say it.  Eventually, the teacher sent my father a letter to say that he was discontinuing my lessons in favour of more promising pupils. Good. I hope they push his podgy hands away.

I’m glad I learnt to play the piano. I’m glad of the enjoyment I get from having the occasional blast, satisfied that I can still do it.  I’m not in any way a talented musician – in the family that title belongs to my son and one of my nephews.

My Haiku poem, inspired by the scales:

“Play me C Major
Now with both hands together
No! No! Start again.

“Just play the right hand
Keep up with the metronome!
No! No! Start again!

“What are you doing?
Did I say play G Major?
No! Don’t touch F sharp!”

On my own piano,
Happy and loving music
Without him shouting.

Running through the scales,
Smooth and shiny piano keys
And my eyes closed, tight.

He made me wary,
He was a scary monster.
He made me silent.

When I found my voice,
There was no one to listen.

PMW 2022

Thanks for reading, Pam x

Read More

Stress - Des Res Near the Park, Anyone?

 

It is said, and I believe it, that moving house is one of the most stressful things to deal with. I have moved seventeen times and would dearly like an eighteenth. I know we’ll simply have to bite the bullet, throw caution to the wind and go for it, otherwise we’ll be here for another thirty-odd years looking at the same neighbourhood. Actually, we probably won’t, unless we both live to some great age, defining all medical issues. That’s why we’ve got to move now. I’m feeling a bit stressed now at the thought of it and wish something would happen to make it easier. Ideally, we could buy a property without waiting for a sale on ours. Perfect. Modern static caravans are breathtakingly stunning with all mod-cons, but we want a house. Besides, where would we put all our stuff? I’m having another stressful shudder. We will have to downsize, I know that, it’s how to do it efficiently. What a struggle. We’ve lived here over thirty years, two became three, became four then more often than not, five. Now we’re down to the two of us again. I can’t gauge portion control in the kitchen just for two, so there’s no chance of me deciding if we need three televisions and a cupboard full of bath towels. Books are completely out of any conversation, no reduction necessary, they are all coming. They are not being boxed up until we have a moving date. A moving date, that’s so scary, because where to? It has got to be Scotland. This move has got to be a proper relocation. I’m not packing up to move to a bungalow two miles away. All the stress has got to be worth my while.

I remember feeling stressed when I moved here and nothing could have been easier. Piece by piece we brought things from my little house in Layton. Anything not needed stayed behind. Eventually that little house went on the market and was sold. I should have kept it and rented it out – hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Long before that, there was the escape from a nasty landlord. Nothing illegal, rent paid up to date, just a horrible, creepy man. All my worldly goods crammed into two cars, mine and my father’s.  It had to be done in a few hours to avoid confrontation. We managed. My things were stacked in Dad’s garage and I took up residence in his spare room. The stress involved here was waiting for my passport to come through the post, which it did, just in time, otherwise I would have had to go back. It was good to leave the key and no forwarding address.

This time I will leave a forwarding address, otherwise I’ll have no visitors and friends will always be welcome. Anyway, while I’m nervous, twitchy and trying to attempt a positive step forward into the unknown, I’ll just close my eyes and relax for a moment.

My poem:

The imagery behind closed eyes
Is of a quiet, peaceful scene.
Outside, the wint’ry, dark’ning skies
Hide the cosy, Crofter’s cottage.

A Heavenly place where I’m free,
It’s time to relax and return
To the open book on my knee
And glow from the log-burning stove.

By the window, my armchair,
With plumped up cushions and a throw.
A resting place, for moments rare,
Like now to bring me back to earth.

A momentary stress release,
A daydream of hope and wishes,
Until I’m rested and at ease,
Feeling ready for the next thing.

PMW 2021

Thanks for reading, Pam x

Read More