Regrets / Guilt / Remorse - Stupid Arguments!

Stupid arguments ..... we've all had them at some point in our lives. They leave us with feelings; Regret, guilt, remorse, or justification, victory, superiority.  But it's how we deal with those disagreements that proves our worth. I much prefer to agree to disagree. I don't like confrontation, never have, so will always try to see things from all perspectives in order to feel any kind of satisfaction about the situation.  That said, I have been known to blow up about things from time to time. If I ever get bent out of shape about something, then you know something must be really wrong! I'm typing this blog after a fitful nights sleep. Having been recently diagnosed as severely anaemic, I am tired and irritable. Ideal ingredients for clashing with others wouldn't you say?

These days, any stupid arguments I have tend to come from trying to reason with my son. He's going through a 'bargaining' phase at the moment and will try to make deals to his advantage almost daily. Yesterday, while giving him a bath, it was: "If you let me pour a cup of water over your head, I'll let you wash my hair!" (Something he hates with a passion).  I told him that if he let me wash his hair, and it hurt him in any way, then he could pour 5 cups of water over my head! His response was classic: "No deal!".  Anyway, after trying to reason with him some more, and him starting to get almost hysterical about it, I eventually had to promise not to wash his hair while he was in the bath, ever, to calm him down. He's only just started liking baths (he's 6 now), so if I hadn't promised that, he wouldn't have wanted a bath ever again! *Sigh*

We all have stupid arguments in relationships too. When my Hubby was alive we were no exception. In the days before he died, I had argued that he didn't cook anymore, and was leaving the vast majority of bringing up our child to me. I was tired, why couldn't he help a little more?  Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? Obviously, he felt ill. Unfortunately, I was too tired/busy/blind to see the extent of how he was feeling. He never spoke up though. Leaving me with regrets after the fact. Something I have to live with daily.

But sometimes, the most hurtful things aren't said in the heat of an argument. Most people have 'that' conversation about what will happen to the other after we die, at some point in their relationship. We had had that conversation, where I told him that when the time was right, I fully expected him to find someone else and be happy, reasoning that it would be a waste of his life otherwise. I didn't receive the same response. He said he couldn't bear to think of me with someone else .....

Don't get me wrong, I know that he loved me, and that was a cock-eyed way of saying it, but still, it haunts me daily, leaving me feeling guilt just for getting on with my life.  I am 39 next month. That's along time to be alone if I live to my 80's! I want to move on ..... but how can I?

So next time you have a stupid argument, think on! Do you really want those words to be dwelt upon after you've gone? Remember, there are always reasons why someone may feel the way they do; anything from feeling tired and irritable, the weather making them feel narky, or a just reason - they may not just be spoiling for a fight.

I'm afraid there is no poem from me this week. I'm too exhausted to think of one. So please forgive me this one time, while I slink off and take my Iron tablet.

See you next week, bright eyed and bushy tailed (hopefully).  ;-)

Thanks for reading my waffle. x

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You Annoy Me When...

As I tell Shaun that this week's theme is 'Stupid Arguments', he declares: "You're a row specialist". With defences up, I deny, and inform him that our stupid arguments are in fact caused by him doing things that annoy me. Most of these things tend to be a consequence of living together - and, while I find calm in order, Shaun seems perfectly happy with clutter and disarray. So, for your amusement, I give you a list of ten things Shaun does that really annoy me.

1) He leaves dirty clothes in the lounge, in the bathroom, on the bedroom floor and rarely manages to actually put them in the washing basket. This is made more annoying when I find a stray sock tucked beneath the bed AFTER I've finished doing all the laundry.

2) When he wears a t-shirt underneath a shirt he removes the two items as if they were a singular item and then leaves it on the floor. This is made more annoying when the t-shirt is white and the shirt is dark and I have to uncouple the items before washing.

3) After having a bath he leaves wet towels in one of three places: on the bed, on a chair or on the floor.

4) He plays Xbox before doing anything remotely useful or helpful. This made more annoying when I finish work and then have to do the housework.

5) He takes a hairbrush or deodorant out of the bathroom and then leaves it in the bedroom. These items live in the bathroom and should be returned there.

6) He takes his shoes off and leaves them in the lounge rather than placing them on the shoe rack. This made more annoying when I trip over them.

7) He uses the chopping board and doesn't wipe it down afterwards.

8) He never takes the empty toilet roll off the holder and replaces it with the new one. Instead, he balances the new one on top of the holder.

9) He puts out-of-date food back into the fridge rather than throwing it away

10) He drives my car more than I do and then leaves it in a mess: crumbles, cigarette ash, unfinished cans of pop, mouldy food, snotty tissues, CDs in the wrong cases, etc, etc.

But for all our stupid arguments there is always resolution and forgiveness - a sobering realisation that, despite our differences, neither of us works quite as well without the other.

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