by Ashley Lister
***
Dear Walls Sausages,
I am writing to ask if
your sausage skins are compatible with water silicone lubricants?
Signed,
a curious sausage
lover
***
Sometimes, when I’m between bouts of writing, teaching or exercises
in muffin baking (that’s not a euphemism), I practice origami. I usually make
origami football shirts – because the folding sequence on those is easy to remember.
I like making them from five pound notes – that is, when I’m trusted with five
pound notes. If I don’t have access to such large sums of money, I use scrap
pieces of paper that already have some writing on them.
***
Idea for a comic strip
– Musty: the vomiting tramp. The
title is self explanatory. Musty is a homeless Blackpool man possessed by the
malevolent spirit of Margaret Thatcher. He goes round upchucking on seagulls and
giving BJs in exchange for Subway sandwiches.
***
Obviously I don’t always have access to five pound notes. We
live under a government filled with Tories so the chances of keeping hold of a
five pound note long enough to fold it into a shirt are slimmer than an
anorexic’s slice of Christmas cake. Under those circumstances, if I’m not able
to get hold money, I search for scraps of paper from around the house.
***
Idea for a children’s
story – Cuthbert’s Special Friend!
It was a dark and
stormy night when Cuthbert first discovered ‘the visitor’ growing out of his
anus. “I hope it’s an alien who will talk to me and enjoy being squeezed
occasionally,” he thought brightly. “And not just another haemorrhoid that
bursts too easily when I’m tugging on it…”
Maybe this can be
illustrated? Scratch and sniff?
***
Specific origami paper is prohibitively expensive. Consequently,
I end up using those scraps of paper that have previously been used before.
Sometimes these scraps contained scribbled ideas for stories…
***
Idea for an erotic
historical novel: Schindler’s Fist!
***
…sometimes these are drafts of letters that I should never
have sent…
***
Dear Jim,
Can you fix it for me
to be touched by a creepy old cigar-smoker?
Signed,
a child who grew up suddenly
in the 70s
***
…and sometimes they are simply the remnants of partially
completed things-to-do lists…
***
Remind everyone reading
that you appreciate them visiting this page.
***
4 comments:
Nice work
Thank you. I had a giggle with this one.
Ash
Love this! Very clever :)
Cheers Shaun. This was not an easy theme. I'm amazed any of us managed to say something clever about the theme this week.
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