written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Showing posts with label Tories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tories. Show all posts

Saturday, 2 September 2023

Eyam - Plague Village

The Great Plague of 1665-1666 was the last wave of bubonic pandemics to sweep England, and the Derbyshire village of Eyam is significant in the history of that time as a notable example of lockdown, or cordon sanitaire.

Not that lockdown was a new concept even in the mid-17th century. The Byzantine emperor Justinian tried to lock down Constantinople in the 6th century to prevent seamen and traders bringing the plague into the city. He imposed quarantine regulations but ultimately they were ineffective and at the height of the infection, the citizens of the greatest city on earth were dying at the rate of 5,000 a day. That outbreak of plague effectively brought an empire to its end. Later, in the 13th century, notably in Italy and France, there were more successful attempts to impose cordons to protect individual towns and cities from the waves of plague like the Black Death that periodically engulfed the continent. 

What marked the example of Eyam out from other lockdowns was this: the measures that the people of that Derbyshire village took in cutting themselves off were not to protect Eyam from infiltration of disease (it was already too late for that) but to contain the pestilence within their bounds and not let it spread to neighbouring villages or to the nearby city of Sheffield. It was a remarkable act of self-sacrifice and one that touches me personally, for members of my own family lost their lives in Eyam during the fourteen month lockdown.

gravestones and tombs in Eyam churchyard
Here's how it happened. The plague arrived in Eyam in August 1665 in a bale of cloth sent from London to the village tailor. His assistant opened it to air it and a host of plague-carrying rat fleas were released. The unfortunate assistant was the first to die, within a week, and many other villagers soon contracted the disease. The village rector met with his parishioners and persuaded them that the moral thing to do was to isolate the whole village. An exclusion zone and warning signs were set up around the parish boundaries and amazingly no one left the village during the whole period. Eyam was self-sufficient to a degree but appealed by notice for foodstuffs from outside and these were duly provided t regular intervals at a boundary stone which was disinfected daily as was the money that was left to pay for the produce. Strict hygiene rules and social distancing were practised within the village with, for instance, the regular church services moving to an outdoor location. And plague victims were interred not in the churchyard, but close to their houses, to speed up the burial process and to minimise the movement of plague-ridden corpses.

My paternal ancestor Abel Rowland (son of Thomas and Alice) is buried in Eyam churchyard (see his gravestone pictured below). He had the good fortune to die at the beginning of 1665, just months before the plague hit the village. Of the 800 inhabitants, 260 died of the plague in a 14 month period, statistically way higher per capita than the death rate in any other village, town or city in the land.  That's members of 76 different families, the Rowlands among them. Such collectively bravery.

Abel Rowland's gravestone in Eyam churchyard (photo: Ray Rowland)
There was an understandable upsurge in interest about Eyam, the plague village, during the recent Coronavirus pandemic - and by the way that hasn't entirely left us, as in England there are currently about 1,000 new cases per day and despite the vaccination programme nearly 3,000 people right now are hospitalised with one variant or another - but my interest predates Covid, back to my father's family tree investigations in the 1970s. He grew up in Bakewell, some 4 miles from Eyam as the crow flies, and conducted extensive research into the parish records of the villages in the locale: Ashford, Baslow,  Eyam, Hassop, Over Haddon, Rowland (yes, a family seat of sorts), Stoney Middleton and Tideswell. Our ancestral connection to Eyam led me to research more and I made the remarkable story of what had happened in the plague village into an English and Drama project for the year ten children I taught at a comprehensive school in north London in the late 1970s.

Of course it's impossible for me to write about Eyam and lockdown without referencing obvious parallels with the Covid years and to take our present government to task. The fact is that the UK used to have the best and most well-maintained measures in place to combat a major health emergency (be that epidemic or pandemic), and this according to regular World Health Organisation audits. For decades we were best-in-class. That all started to change when the Tories got back into power in 2010. Cameron's coalition government made the decision to reduce funding for pandemic readiness and this trend only accelerated once the Tories were in complete control after the 2015 general election. The number of hospital beds reduced, stocks of PPE were not renewed, respirators and ICU facilities were not maintained to previous levels and so by the time Covid-19 arrived at the beginning of 2020, the UK was way down the list of well-provisioned countries, our emergency plans were rusty and our ability to react effectively to the pandemic was seriously impaired - as we all know now and as the ongoing enquiry will ultimately document in forensic detail. Tory apologists say it was a calculated risk to slash spending in the decade and that we just got unlucky. 24 million people (a third of the population) contracted the disease and a quarter of a million died as a result. Not good enough. The UK has consistently been in the top ten worst impacted countries in the world and we're still there (number 9 currently). 

To compound matters, our own cavalier idiot of a Prime Minister started off claiming it was all a lot of fuss about nothing and ended up on a ventilator himself, then there was all the flouting of lockdown regulations by government officials and advisors (with Cummings and Co. fleeing the capital much as Charles II had done in 1665). But far more pernicious was the scale of cronyism and profiteering that went on as a rash of contracts for making PPE, for building respirators, manufacturing test kits,  throwing together 'Nightingale' hospitals, outsourcing lab capacity went to firms in which Tory MPs or their immediate families had a strong financial stake. I hope the enquiry will not shirk from disclosing the true magnitude of the hundreds of millions of pounds of tax-payers' money thus  misspent.

Let's hope that when the next pandemic arrives, for there will be one at some point, useful lessons have been internalised from the Covid years.

a plague doctor
To send you off with anger in your hearts for the grasping, greedy, incompetent crew (Cummings, Dorries, Gove, Hancock, Johnson, Kwarteng, Patel, Truss, Zadawi and all), my latest incendiary poem.

A Plague Doctor Writes...
A pox on you rats and fleas of Westminster I say!
A plague on both your houses, such a verminous
self-serving horde.  No sooner had you unfurled 
your contaminated roll of shoddy than suddenly 
poured forth such contagion,  an overwhelming  
devilment  of virulent spores which has infected
not only Commons or Lords but the wider body 
politic and brought our misfortunate land down
to its very knees. A pestilence on the mop-head 
of that festering jester,  clown prince of calumny.
But we need deliverance from the whole bunch
whose stench  has become insufferable, beyond
which plasters, vinegar poultices, smoking sage
or sprigs of lavender could mask. You should all
be torched. My prescription?  A mighty bone fire
of all your vanities! I urge that a conflagration fit 
to purge us of your pestilence should rage soon.

Thanks for reading, S 💀

Saturday, 16 November 2013

Scraps

09:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , , 4 comments
 by Ashley Lister 
***
 Dear Walls Sausages,
I am writing to ask if your sausage skins are compatible with water silicone lubricants?
Signed,
a curious sausage lover
***
Sometimes, when I’m between bouts of writing, teaching or exercises in muffin baking (that’s not a euphemism), I practice origami. I usually make origami football shirts – because the folding sequence on those is easy to remember. I like making them from five pound notes – that is, when I’m trusted with five pound notes. If I don’t have access to such large sums of money, I use scrap pieces of paper that already have some writing on them.
***
Idea for a comic strip – Musty: the vomiting tramp. The title is self explanatory. Musty is a homeless Blackpool man possessed by the malevolent spirit of Margaret Thatcher. He goes round upchucking on seagulls and giving BJs in exchange for Subway sandwiches.
***
Obviously I don’t always have access to five pound notes. We live under a government filled with Tories so the chances of keeping hold of a five pound note long enough to fold it into a shirt are slimmer than an anorexic’s slice of Christmas cake. Under those circumstances, if I’m not able to get hold money, I search for scraps of paper from around the house.
***
Idea for a children’s story – Cuthbert’s Special Friend!
It was a dark and stormy night when Cuthbert first discovered ‘the visitor’ growing out of his anus. “I hope it’s an alien who will talk to me and enjoy being squeezed occasionally,” he thought brightly. “And not just another haemorrhoid that bursts too easily when I’m tugging on it…”
Maybe this can be illustrated? Scratch and sniff?
***
Specific origami paper is prohibitively expensive. Consequently, I end up using those scraps of paper that have previously been used before. Sometimes these scraps contained scribbled ideas for stories…
***
Idea for an erotic historical novel: Schindler’s Fist!
***
…sometimes these are drafts of letters that I should never have sent…
***
Dear Jim,
Can you fix it for me to be touched by a creepy old cigar-smoker?
Signed,
a child who grew up suddenly in the 70s
***
…and sometimes they are simply the remnants of partially completed things-to-do lists…
***
Start with an inappropriate sexual innuendo
Moan about the Tories
Make nob gags
Include an inappropriate reference to haemorrhoids
Steal a vulgar gag about sex in a film title
Do a Jimmy Savile joke
Remind everyone reading that you appreciate them visiting this page.

***

Saturday, 6 July 2013

About last night

00:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , , 4 comments
 by Ashley Lister

I went to the Dead Good Poets’ open mic event last night. It was incredible.

We had Trevor Meaney as a guest poet. We’re indebted to WordPool and Blackpool Council for funding his visit. We’re also indebted to Trevor for joining us for the night. He is such a talented, clever, funny and fantastic poet that he’s worth finding online or seeing live if the opportunity arises. Trevor, if you’re reading this, I look forward to enjoying more of your work in the future.

We also had the usual eclectic blend of solid writing, surreal performances and superlative wordplay. To say that this was three hours of poetry – a punishment in some countries that has been condemned by the Geneva convention – the time sped past.

Two years ago the Dead Good Blog was borne from writers at the Dead Good Poetry events. Last night’s superlative event was a pertinent reminder as to why this group means so much to me. There was laughter and sadness. Friendships were made and nuisances were tolerated. There was a sharing of intelligent insight and bawdy verse. There is a sense of community at each event which is reinforced by the daily presence of this blog.

I’m proud to be an active part of this writing community and thrilled to be in the companionship of so many writers who I respect. And, in that spirit, here is one of the poems I shared last night on the open mic. Please note, I’ve censored the majority of expletives but I’m still pretty confident that it is going to offend some people J

I hope you enjoy.

If I only were a Tory

I would not be just a w****r
Or some hated off shore banker
Who looks like Peter Lorre
My life would be a breeze
Cos I’d make the old folks freeze
If I only were a Tory

With the benefits I’m stopping
The sick, like flies are dropping
And I’d get a morning glory
You would die if you’re not healthy
I’d give tax breaks to the wealthy
If I only were a Tory

I'd make Great Britain great
Cos I’d nuke council estates
And you know I’d not be sorry
Whilst the NHS gets sicker
I could watch my d**k grow thicker
If I only were a Tory

I could make the world more pleasant
By killing lots of peasants
And speaking like Hugh Laurie
All the scum I’d be removing
As the world – I was improving
And the lies I’d lie and spout
As the laws I’d freely flout
My bank balance’d be busting
I could not be more disgusting
And to add to all my riches
I’d screw voters like they’re bitches

If I only were a Tory

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Thursday Knight

By Ashley Lister

For me Thursday night this week started back in October 2011, when Jane Brunning asked if the Dead Good Poets would be interested in attending a Word Soup event. For those who think it’s unreal to think of a night in January 2012 starting three months earlier I have to point out that this is winter in the north and the nights are getting longer.

My response to Jane Brunning was, ‘Sure. I’ll try anything once.’

I have a mindset to try anything once: except voting Tory or eating snails. There are some things where you only have to look at the ugly slimy little buggers to know that they’ll leave a nasty taste in your mouth.

And I also feel this way about snails.

So in October I confirmed with my fellow bloggers that we were all free to step out of our respective comfort zones and venture, as Shaun so eloquently described Preston at the start of this week, behind enemy lines.

There were further exchanges of emails. There was talk of us trying to combine our styles into one single performance piece. Lara had the genius idea of us each describing ourselves by the day of the week on which we blog. It was a shame that the idea didn’t pan out. Vicky, who is a constant explosion of ingenuity, was coming up with a rush of ideas that could have made our collective appearance seem more cohesive. Lindsay – who writes the most entertaining children’s fiction I’ve ever read – did her usual trick of containing her fears so that no one would have even guessed she was ‘bricking it.’

There were email discussions where we got snarled up in the complexities of who’d sent which message first and who’d responded privately rather than to the group and who was sticking to the theme and who was giving who a lift.

There were email discussions where the less informed amongst us discovered we were on the same bill as Jo Bell and panicked at the idea of working alongside someone so revered and respected in the world of poetry. As is turned out, the reverence for Jo Bell is deserved – she is absolutely sensational.

It’s known amongst this group that Ste Stroud does not believe in God. But surely he must believe in miracles because he was standing onstage with the rest of us on Thursday night. Given our fears and our collective organisational skills, it’s a miracle that any one of us was there.

As a side note I should say here that I’ve been immersed in writing my latest novel this last couple of months. It’s all sword and sorcery and dungeons and dragons and damsels in distress.

And alliteration.

If I’m not writing that novel I’m either researching medieval minutiae or I’m reading Game of Thrones. Occasionally I take some time away from the writing to practice wielding a broadsword. Right now I’m using the broadsword as a method for training the dogs. For anyone who is concerned about this, I can say that most of the dogs still have heads.

And I mention this connection with glamorised medieval depictions of knights because that was how I felt on Thursday night. I had ridden into Preston with my fellow knights. I was confident in the knowledge that each and every one of my colleagues was worthy to bear the arms of being a Dead Good Poet because I know each and every one of them is damned good and armed with strengths that complement the weaknesses burdening the rest of us.

And I’m now looking forward to the next time we can set out as a banner of knights ready to conquer another audience.