I have travelled to the many corners of this globe of ours. I have discovered and oppressed many a new species of tribal savages, come face to face with the terrifying Nabnab Shrew of Peru, and slept under the stars with only a short nosed Startled Snark for company.
But the most loathsome, disgusting, and dare I say evil
creature I have ever encountered happened earlier today as I explored a part of
this great country of ours. I was sand sifting up on the Fylde Coast
Armed only with torches and guns, we soldiered on for the
love of England
Madness took hold of the savages. In fear they fled back
towards the surface. I too had a moment where I almost forgot I was a Gentleman
and had to dig deep within my Englishness to stop myself fleeing.
The beast, resembling a monstrous mollusc with grey slimy skin and a lipless mouth from which it would
produce a huge tongue that excreted more ooze that dripped down over its body;
this monstrous oyster, this meglodon mollusc, this ‘Oyston’, putrid in
appearance and hideous in its existence.
[Image removed as it might cause revulsion and terror in all who look upon it.]
I could no longer take being in the company of such
arrogance and made my way back to the surface. As I looked back at the cavern I
could only hope the creature did not have intelligence enough to follow me. I
fear that should the ‘Oyston’ make it to the surface it would only bring suffering
to many a loyal subject.
Tomorrow I shall return to the crack and use explosives
to seal it. I cannot see how such a thing would have already escaped. So as of
tomorrow, ‘Victoria
Colin Davies
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