written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Saturday 29 May 2021

This Blog Does Not Exist

It was only a question of time before some nutter suggested an -antimatter- blog! (Okay, it might have been me.) And oh, the opportunities afforded under that heading. For instance, there might conceivably be...


...except, of course, there is. Which suggests that matter trumps antimatter - if indeed the latter even exists. Anyway, there is already an excellent blog explaining the whole renegade physics of negative spin and all that unlikely malarkey, posted by my friend Terry Quinn, so I suggest you read that, and I'll concentrate my energies instead on some poetry, old and new.

The old poem was written in 1899 by the American poet William Hughes Meams for his English class at Harvard. You'll probably recognise part of it, for it was set to music as a popular song, recorded by Glenn Miller among others, and is often quoted:

Antigonish
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there!
He wasn't there again today.
Oh how I wish he'd go away!

When I came home last night at three,
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall,
I couldn't see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don't you come back anymore!
Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door...

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
Oh how I wish he'd go away...

And here's more antimatter for a May morning, a new thing of my own devising. Flush with the quiet success of that silent poem ('Can You Hear It? ') a few weeks ago, I thought I'd give antimatter poetry a try. This one is composed in the form of a nonnet*; and because it is the first nonnet ever to be written, I have called it simply:

Nonnet
To begin with, there was no word. Nothing. Nada.
Not a note, not a clue. Not at all helpful. If indeed
there even was a beginning.  We waited for an age
feeling stupid looking awkward. What to do then?
Some speculated  that anti-matter sits at  the heart
of it all, so like Wells' invisible man it has to cloak
itself in matter to make  itself manifest;  otherwise
it's basically hiding  in plain sight.  We articulated
this alternative theory - logically absurd but joyful:

Supposing  all those famous dualists got it wrong,
Professors Yin & Yang, Descartes, the whole gang
banging on about opposites. What is the opposite
of opposite? Ha! We give you unity of the absurd,
as Canon Self's Laughter at the Dearth of Reason
expounds.  Sit down, turn your tape-recorders on.
Lights dim, for at his lectern our greatest shaman, 
about to begin,  checks notes,  cackles with mirth.

*For anyone wishing to attempt this at home, the compositional rules of the nonnet are fiendishly simple: one stanza of nine lines (justified) setting out a thesis, followed by a second stanza of eight lines (justified) positing an antitheses. Presto! (Ha ha ha ha ha.)

Thanks for reading. Come on you Seasiders! S ;-)

19 comments:

Binty said...

Mind over antimatter... 😂😂😂

Nigella D said...

I think I need to reboot my brain after reading that (LOL).

Reba Kirkwood said...

He's lying, I see neon signs before my eyes.

Rod Downey said...

Interesting to know the details behind that 'man who wasn't there' poem. Your whole blog was very funny and witty as usual and I enjoyed your nonnet... though I'm not sure that as a form it will take the world by storm.

Billy Banter said...

Neither does this comment :)

The Existentialist said...

Nothing is real ;)

Alistair Bradfield said...

Very well done. I loved the poem Steve - so clever. I am retiring to compose a nonnet of my own. (I may be some time LOL.)

Robert Harries said...

Interesting and amusing. The picture is a neat paradox and the nonnet is very witty.

Peter Fountain said...

Loving the unity of the absurd :)

Heidi Williams said...

I just enjoyed my first nonnet. 👍

Bickerstaffe said...

Wise and witty as ever. Best to stay off the antimatter. Great poem though :)

Ross Madden said...

I was told that Antigonish was written about a ghost in a haunted house; not about Antigone (daughter of an Oedipus complex) as I was misled into thinking from the title. Your nonnet - clever, and hilarious in places (Canon Self's Laughter at the Dearth of Reason is brilliant). Write us another one soon. 👏

Brett Cooper said...

Your blog is witty and the poem is fun, but can I see the nonnet catching on? 😂

Jen McDonagh said...

I won't pretend to understand antimatter but your blog was funny and engaging and I loved the flow of words and ideas in clever poem. Who knows, maybe the nonnet will make its mark as a poetic form - especially if you nominate it as a blog theme (LOL).

Deke Hughes said...

The world's first nonnet! 👏

Jambo said...

Dude! Trust you to go and invent a new poetic form. 😂

Ben Templeton said...

Very clever, funny with it - you've just upped the ante (matter) with your nonnet (LOL).

Tom Shaw said...

Harvard you say? Astonishing. Your Nonnet wins hands down over that Antigonish! 😂😂😂😂😂

K. Worth said...

No No Nonnet! (Well, someone had to say it.) Actually I really enjoyed this witty post and amusing poem. Well done Steve.