written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Tuesday 26 October 2021

Hurly Burly - No Mall & No Builders!


As far as possible, I will avoid any commotion, hurly-burly and busy places, especially since I retired from work. Sometimes things happen and I find myself somewhere I’d rather not be with no immediate escape and I have to grin and bear it.

With the exception of Springfield Mall, Virginia – going back many years when such places were new to me – I don’t like shopping malls. Warm and dry on a cold, wet day they might be, but bustling and noisy does not give me a pleasant shopping experience. My friend and I once got lost trying to find a way out of Manchester Arndale. We rushed one way, then another, back-tracked, or thought we were, and eventually asked a security guard. By then we weren’t bothered which exit, we’d find our bearings outside and we did. When our daughter was about thirteen she wanted to go to the Trafford Centre for her birthday treat, shopping, lunch there, everything possible. We had to do it. Luckily, she loved it and enjoyed spending her birthday money, having the promised lunch, but it was all in the over-crowded, loud hullabaloo that made me want to scream. I might be the only person who doesn’t like the Trafford Centre. I can live with that. I would probably hate Springfield these days.

It doesn’t stop at shopping malls. I can’t cope with having workmen in at home. Running repairs are alright and our usual heating engineer is very welcome when it’s time to service the boiler. Workmen with a capital W means builders and a team of them, taking over and making a mess, making a noise, either voices or machinery. As the family grew and more space was needed, it seemed like a good idea to have extensions here, there and everywhere which meant weeks of disruption. The end results were worth it. The house we move into will be staying exactly as we find it.

This Dr John Cooper Clarke poem reminds me of being lost in the hurly-burly of a pre-Christmas Arndale Centre,

Trouble @ t’Mall

 

Daily Bugle – Front Page News

A drunken posse on a booze cruise

Swear me in I got nothing to lose

High five – low morale

Trouble aye trouble aye

Trouble @ t’Mall

 

I heard about it at the Taj Mahal

I nearly choked on me Taka Dahl

I quizzed Chief Wiggum and he said, “Waal

Cuff ‘em boys – trouble at the Mall”

 

Tripe stand bloody fell over

Its covered the place in a beefy odour

Better take a nosegay pal

Trouble aye trouble aye

Trouble @ t’Mall

 

Bury my heart at Clinton Cards

Remember me to the old guard

These days you just gotta be hard

Because like they say in this here locale

Trouble aye trouble aye

Trouble @ t’Mall

 

H & M is full of flunkies

And Tony and Guy couldn’t give a monkey’s

In the dying words of Gore Vidal

‘Appen it’s trouble aye

Trouble @ t’Mall


JCC


Thanks for reading, Pam x

7 comments:

Jen McDonagh said...

I suspect a lot of people have become crowd-averse since covid and lockdown. I never used to mind but now I'm more on edge in shopping malls etc.

terry quinn said...

About three times a year we would run our hospital social club trips to various shopping malls around the north. We could guarantee that we would fill two or three coaches. It was a nightmare.

The major problem for me in having capital W Workmen ( as I did 3 years ago ) is that they have to listen to Radio 1 or worse.

Best of luck with the new house.

CI66Y said...

Ah, the good Doctor JCC. No one does it like him - even if Gore Vidal's final words were actually "Stop it!" Never let the truth stand in the way of a required rhyme.😄

Pam Winning said...

Radio 1 is absolute torture! The search for a new house continues 😀

Pam Winning said...

I've got worse since lockdown but I'm fine avoiding it 🙂

Pam Winning said...

JCC, one of the best 🌟

Steve Rowland said...

I sympathise with you Pam. I've often thought it should be spelled Shopping Maul, except when the sales are on, and then it becomes a Shopping Scrum.😱 I don't mind builders in the house; they are like the NHS of bricks and mortar. John Cooper Clark us always fun. I wonder where he shops these days...