This week’s theme ‘Comedy in Poetry and Writing’ has proved challenging. It has been difficult for one reason: I’m not funny. This isn’t a hyperbole to orchestrate a stream of ‘yes you are’ comments, it’s the truth, I’m really not funny (to adults at least). However, there is one person that I can always make laugh, but he’s two years old.
The inspiration for this post comes from my two-year-old nephew Josh. I considered filming my operatic version of The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson, before realising that my out of tune notes and gangly skips are probably only appreciated by Josh. I wondered if sharing Poetsaurus – a scary dinosaur that stomps around the lounge reciting rhyming couplets – was a better idea, but realised it wasn’t. Therefore, I decided not to share my silliness with you. Instead, I thought I’d share a collection of haiku – inspired by a two-year-old who is far funnier than me.
From the perspective of a two-year-old
I
When feeding the ducks
Don’t bother throwing the bread –
Just eat it instead
II
If you want to see
Things from a new perspective
Then stand on your head.
III
Unscrew the rose head
Because it means that you can
Water more quickly.
IV
Fake, painted, plastic
Food looks good enough to eat...
Take a massive bite!
V
What is pretentious?
I just really, really like
Hummus and breadsticks.
VI
Jigsaw puzzles aren’t
Difficult if you forget
About the picture.
VII
Everything is red.
The grass is red, trees are red.
Everything is red!
VIII
Hide and Seek is great
when you hide in the same place –
You always get found.
IX
How old are you Josh?
Can you say that you are two?
Three, four, five, six, eight.
X
Teaching a toddler
To say fork will result in
A four letter word.
XI
It’s important to
remember to be polite
and always say ‘peas’.
XII
A black dog lying
In the sun on a hot day
Is called a hot dog.
Thank you for reading,
Lar