Or
Would you like a bag full of cakes? It's a shitty bag. I found it in the bottom of a drawer. I don't know what I used it for last time but there's a small cluster of gooey nuggets in the bottom. Oh, there's a slight tear in this bag and the handles cut into your flesh if you put heavy objects in it. It'll hurt you if you overload it. But cake's OK. Cake never hurt anyone. This bag is white and slightly transparent. It has a funny smell. It cost less than a penny to produce and it's probably only got one more use left in it. The cakes are safe. They're wrapped in clingfilm. The cream is fresh, the icing made with cream cheese. It's not a bag for diabetics.
...
Pub in Clitheroe. Three weeks ago. I was standing at the bar at lunchtime on a Monday. In my hand I had a small box containing a new pair of earrings which were quite expensive and a gift. I didn't want to put them away because I was a little bit in love with the earrings at that time. My partner kissed the back of my neck, sneakily, and its message went straight where he intended it. Good for us eh? A woman of late middle age was bundled up in a wheelchair at a table behind us. She was alone, drinking a large glass of wine at lunchtime on Monday. She said loudly 'I saw that'. We turned and smiled, a little embarrassed. She said 'Enjoy those kisses, you'll miss them when they're gone.' Awkward silence while I tried to think of either a witty response or an honest one that didn't make me sound like a twat. She beat me: 'I miss them.'
There. Job done. I now know more about her than most of my extended family. The moral? Introductions suck, be yourself. Speak your mind. Like what I have done. See?
4 comments:
A single word will suffice for my response, WOW!
I really want that first bag you described. It sounds awesome ;-)
Is this a group of writers who rock? or is this a group of writers who rock?
Ash
Love it :)
Mmmmm...cake!
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