About last night

 by Ashley Lister

I went to the Dead Good Poets’ open mic event last night. It was incredible.

We had Trevor Meaney as a guest poet. We’re indebted to WordPool and Blackpool Council for funding his visit. We’re also indebted to Trevor for joining us for the night. He is such a talented, clever, funny and fantastic poet that he’s worth finding online or seeing live if the opportunity arises. Trevor, if you’re reading this, I look forward to enjoying more of your work in the future.

We also had the usual eclectic blend of solid writing, surreal performances and superlative wordplay. To say that this was three hours of poetry – a punishment in some countries that has been condemned by the Geneva convention – the time sped past.

Two years ago the Dead Good Blog was borne from writers at the Dead Good Poetry events. Last night’s superlative event was a pertinent reminder as to why this group means so much to me. There was laughter and sadness. Friendships were made and nuisances were tolerated. There was a sharing of intelligent insight and bawdy verse. There is a sense of community at each event which is reinforced by the daily presence of this blog.

I’m proud to be an active part of this writing community and thrilled to be in the companionship of so many writers who I respect. And, in that spirit, here is one of the poems I shared last night on the open mic. Please note, I’ve censored the majority of expletives but I’m still pretty confident that it is going to offend some people J

I hope you enjoy.

If I only were a Tory

I would not be just a w****r
Or some hated off shore banker
Who looks like Peter Lorre

My life would be a breeze

Cos I’d make the old folks freeze
If I only were a Tory

With the benefits I’m stopping

The sick, like flies are dropping

And I’d get a morning glory

You would die if you’re not healthy

I’d give tax breaks to the wealthy

If I only were a Tory

I'd make Great Britain great
Cos I’d nuke council estates
And you know I’d not be sorry
Whilst the NHS gets sicker
I could watch my d**k grow thicker
If I only were a Tory

I could make the world more pleasant
By killing lots of peasants
And speaking like Hugh Laurie
All the scum I’d be removing

As the world – I was improving
And the lies I’d lie and spout

As the laws I’d freely flout

My bank balance’d be busting

I could not be more disgusting

And to add to all my riches

I’d screw voters like they’re bitches

If I only were a Tory