Interrogate any halfway decent search engine for possible meanings of the acronym A.I. and it should furnish you with well over a ton. The Free Dictionary, for instance, immediately rewarded me with one hundred and sixty four options, and there are some belters on their list. Artificial Intelligence, of course, but also Abrasiveness Index, Aggregate Income, Airborne Intelligence, Airbus Industrie, All Inclusive, Anarchy Incorporated (paradoxically), Arbitration Interval and Artificial Insemination. Guess which one I've opted for.
Maybe it's because I wrote a blog recently about the BBC, and the programmes we used to watch as kids between getting home from school and having tea, that The Magic Roundabout has been lurking around in my mind, and linked to that a murky memory of how, with typical schoolboy humour, we decided that if the lovely, flower-chewing Ermintrude were ever to be artificially inseminated, she might more appropriately be called Spermintrude. Hilarious, when you're thirteen, but on reflection not very sympathetic towards the animal in question - which led in turn to this hasty, but heartfelt and less-than-immaculate, poetic conception. I give you...
 |
| The Magic Roundabout's lovely flower-chewing Ermintrude |
Spermintrude's Lament
Poor cow, she's never got to pull a real bull,
was never yet covered by a red-blooded stud,
nor felt her udders shudder in the after-thrill
of being penetrated by some pulsating pizzle.
It's all been coldly clinical, getting with calves;
the latex glove, syringe of anonymous though
most expensive Friesian jissom, a scientific act.
Where's the animal pleasure in that? Poor cow!
Maybe I shouldn't have bothered... but thanks as always for reading and have a good week, S ;-)
20 comments:
Thanks, I'll skip my breakfast yogurt today! 😂
Ha ha ha! 👍
I had to look up 'pizzle' just to be sure. How do you know such words?
Every dog has his (off) day, pal. LOL.
I wonder why Ermintrude had red spots. You're right, Friesian is most likely with a name like hers, from old German for 'universally loved' apparently (and somewhat ironically given the theme of your funny little poem).
😃
Always a pleasure to read your blogs. This one made me smile.
In the original French version (created by Serge Danot) the cow was called Azalée, giving French schoolboys no such leeway for smutty innuendo ;)
Maybe it's because you like provoking your readers into thinking about difficult issues? 'Spermintrude' does look decidedly glum in that second frame! Surely I'm not alone in seeing the spectre of the exploitation of animals behind your poor cow's lament?
Funny, and thought-provoking (as ever). 👍
Ho ho ho - yes, I'd forgotten that. What were we like? Your memory is clearly better than mine. Well lamented too. 😃
We are amused. 😂😂
Yes, Anarchy Incorporated does sound like a contradiction in terms. I think the war is making everyone sad at the moment, so your poor cow's lament fits the mood.
Maybe it's because you hate to let us down... for which dedication, thank you! Your blogs are always a pleasure to read (and I'm sorry I can't always manage a comment in return).
An unlikely topic, but an entertaining read nonetheless :)
Very good Steve.
Oh Joy. The Magic Roundabout.
I'm not sure that I would have understood that joke when I was thirteen.
Hasty but heartfelt. That rings a bell.
You said it, "Poor cow!" A clever little poem.
Frivolity can be a useful safety-valve. At least you're not making light of any of the depressing things happening around us right now - and in fact even your clever little poem has a serious point to make.
Now you put it like that.... :-@
Post a Comment