written and posted by members of Lancashire Dead Good Poets' Society

Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts

Saturday, 11 April 2026

The 'X' Factor

After his first heart-attack at the age of 43, Ronald Patrick Bartholomew Grosse thought seriously about a change of career. He had been a principal partner in the Dublin law firm of Grosse, Malarkey & Shenanigans since 2009, earning his litigious spurs in such high profile cases as saw the notorious Cowboys of Clontarf finally put behind bars, or the getting of the Lennox Street Grocer cleared of eleven counts of caffeineicide. But the stress of a life in law (and the whiskey) was taking its toll. 

He arranged a week's recuperation, fishing in Kildare on the estate of the Countess of Colleen, for whom he had acted in a complex divorce case. X marked the spot of the lodge in the woods on his map, as he was of the pre-sat-nav generation. It was peaceful, isolated, idyllic. He also read lots of poetry, Yeats in particular. On his return, he discussed the situation with Ciara Malarkey and Benjamin Reilly O'Shenanigan, who persuaded him to stay on, against the advice of his beautiful, dutiful wife Séarlait. Surely a bit more exercise, a change of diet and prescription meds would see him right, keep him healthy, in his prime, commanding top fees for the firm.

However, despite the mitigations, he suffered a second, more serious coronary attack a couple of years later, on discovering by accident that his beautiful wife Séarlait was not so dutiful after all. The near fatal shock gave him cause to reconsider what was really important in life.

X marks the heart
After a week in intensive care, this time his mind was made up. There was nothing Ciara or Ben could say. No more law (though the firm could keep the name), no more wife (though she could keep the house), most importantly, no more stress. He didn't want for money. What he did want was complete change. Once again, he spent time fishing in Kildare (x still marked the spot). Then he packed a small travel bag and booked a flight from Dublin to Tokyo

There he acquired lodgings in the Suginami ward of the metropolis, in order to be near the workshop of Nakamura, a famed kintsugi artist and teacher. He changed his name to Ron Bartho, started learning Japanese and enrolled as a student and eventually an assistant to Kunio Nakamura. The art and the philosophy of kintsugi (literally 'golden joinery') held a deep appeal for Ron. 

The idea that one could take something that was broken - a pot, a plate, a bowl - and mend it, not invisibly with glue but with gold-infused lacquer, struck him as a metaphor for his own physical rupture and subsequent healing process, breakage and repair as part of the tapestry of life, a celebration of recovery and resilience. For him, a golden X on a restored ceramic marked renewed strength, a firm weld where once there had been weakness. Each object renovated by kintsugi was unique, with its healed wounds, and a thing of intrinsic beauty.

X marks the join (kintsugi)
After several months, Nakamura advised Ron Bartho that he had taught him all he could, and suggested that it was time for his disciple to take wing back to Ireland and set up as a kintsugi artist and teacher in his own right.

Ron Bartho wrote to the Countess of Colleen explaining his radical change of lifestyle and asking if she would grant him long-term tenancy of the lodge in the woods on her Kildare estate as a home and studio in which he could work as a kintsugi practitioner and sometimes teacher. He explained that for him that place had the X factor. He had felt it when he'd stayed there recuperating. it was an almost spiritual thing calling to him. The Countess Clíona responded that she would be delighted to accommodate Ron's request on the condition that he would take as his first commission the repair of some heirloom items of broken or damaged porcelain in the family's possession, including pieces of Irish Dresden, Meissen, Sèvres and Spode. Ron readily agreed.

He returned to Ireland not only a new man, but with a cat, Cocoa which he'd acquired while in Tokyo, and yet another name, this time a Japanese one -  Xaito (斎翔), meaning 'pure of heart'. The simple lodge, cleaned, aired and newly lime-washed, was entirely to his and Cocoa's liking. He fished for her; she prowled and purred for him.

X marks the spot
Over time, as Xaito, no longer Ron Bartho and certainly never again Ronald Patrick Bartholomew Grosse,  he became someone special. His renown spread, not only as a great kintsugi artist and teacher, working at his own pace on the commissions he chose to accept and the kintsugi teaching courses he occasionally ran, through one of which he met his new romantic partner, the poetess Eibhlín Ó Sirideáin (more commonly known by her anglicised form of Eileen Sheridan), but also as a celebrated Irish poet. For Eileen encouraged him to turn his enjoyment of reading poetry and mending broken ceramics into the writing of his own inspired poems. Perhaps his most famous and loved piece is this one, from his collection 'The X Factory':

The Angina Monologue

You crushed with such relentless expectations
I was always waiting for the moment I'd break.

The tension too much to bear, me just wanting 
that instance of rupture which must surely end
 
everything. Until then, whiskey edged my fears
of panic, of letting people down, mostly of pain.

Then when it happened, not once but twice, my
great surprise was that I fought to survive,  with

each constricted breath of my leaden chest. Let
me live, I prayed to some unlikely god,  take all 

I have but let me make it through to begin anew.
After one false start, I have been true enough to

that resolve. Eibhlín likens me then to a spinner
of plates frantically trying to keep them all aloft 

such a sorry waste of time, of energy, of passion
and we were bound to break, all of us.  A second    

gentle lease has taught me how a broken heart or 
a cracked plate can be fixed with the golden flux 

of love - it's all you need & all you need to know.

                                                                                           Xaito











Thanks for reading. Have a good week, S ;-)

Tuesday, 2 April 2024

Double Dactyl - Higgledy Piggledy Acceptability

Double Dactyl poetry. I hope whoever dreamt this discipline up had lots of fun. According to Wikipedia, the inventors were Anthony Hecht and Paul Pascal in 1951. I’ve written lots of poems in various forms and in freestyle, but never encountered Double Dactyl until now. I’ve made an effort and enjoyed playing with words, as I always do. I haven’t completely adhered to the strict rules, but some rules lend themselves to be broken. After some non-starters and others not for sharing, I give you my best three.

Floppetty moppetty
Boris de Vaudeville
Thought he could win
With his clown grin

Scary, like The Joker
Hedonistically
Singing and dancing
Off with his head. Next!

Make of this what you will. If you know me, you’ll understand. I don’t intend to offend, by the way.


Dibdabdoo scribbdabdoo
Emily Bronte
When did you get him,
That special one?

Perhaps your brother’s traits
Identifiable
I gave him my heart
Many years ago.

Of course it’s about Heathcliff. My first introduction was the black and white ‘Wuthering Heights’ film with Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon when I was eleven, or twelve and long before I read the book. Future English Literature classes took me into studying the book, which is a firm favourite of mine and goes way beyond the end of that 1939 film.

Pippitty flippitty
James Callaghan
Thought it was funny
Not easy to count

In pounds, shillings and pence
Decimalisation,
That was the answer,
Totting up money.

I will always be thankful for decimalisation. In 1963, I cried my eyes out while a horrid teacher yelled at me for getting all my ‘money sums’ wrong. Shillings and pence, pounds, shillings and pence, was just a mass of confusion to my seven and a half year old brain. Someone raging at me wasn’t going to magically make me get my sums right. Family friends came to visit one weekend, probably to see the new baby, my sister. Their daughter was a little older than me and we went off to play. I asked her if she could do money sums and felt delighted when she happily showed me. She taught me very well. Everything clicked into place. I was grateful to her and didn’t fear my teacher anymore. I volunteer in the same school. I often go into the very classroom where I spent miserable times. I’m glad things are different for today’s children. All the teachers are lovely, none of them are scary. Perhaps I should ask the children about that. In later years, I worked in an office where everything revolved around money and payments, including wages. By now we were using ‘new money’, decimalisation had taken place a couple of years earlier in 1971. Thank goodness. I couldn’t have done that job in £sd.

Have fun writing Double Dactyls.

Thanks for reading, Pam x

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

Lost - Something Dark

It was tough watching ‘Philomena’. I’d seen the trailers on TV and it looked like a good film. Judi Dench always gives a first class performance and I like Steve Coogan’s straight acting style.  With the exception of his cringe-worthy character Alan Partridge, I like Steve Coogan in anything.  Life must have passed me by for a while, or maybe I’d been under a large stone, but I was completely ignorant of Martin Sixsmith’s book ‘The Lost Child of Philomena Lee’, a true story of an unmarried pregnant girl forced into the care of nuns in an Irish convent and her baby taken away and adopted in America.  I sat in the cinema stifling sobs as one horrid deception followed another and I felt sickened by the behaviour of supposedly caring, Christian people.  It’s a well-written and superbly acted film.  The content disturbed me immensely and still does.  I can’t bring myself to read the book. Philomena Lee is one of many to suffer for bringing ‘shame’ on her intolerant family.  Where is the love? Where is the support?  So many lives broken, family connections lost because a daughter ‘sinned’ and was denied her child.  No forgiveness, either, then?
 
The TV programme ‘Long Lost Families’ shares many similar stories.  Babies born to single women who are influenced or pressured by their family to give up their child for adoption, then spend decades grieving for their ‘lost’ child.  And the child, now an adult, searching for the birth mother, the missing piece of life’s jigsaw.  I watch the happy reconciliations and new beginnings take shape on ‘Long Lost Families’, often through a veil of tears and I hope that adoptive parents, if still alive, are supportive and included.  There’s a feel-good factor in the positive result of a happy ending which is what ‘Long Lost Families’ concentrates on.  I feel for those who are waiting to be found, those whose searches for answers reach a dead end and those who struggle with authorities as they try to find information about who they are.
 
Imagine spending the first eighteen years of your life in the care system.  Everything about you is contained in your files and documents compiled by Social Services, or other responsible authority.  Then, at age eighteen, when you leave the care system and you are legally entitled to take possession of your files, they are lost.
 
This is what happened to Lemn Sissay.  His files were eventually found and given to him only two years ago. He turned fifty this year. Lost files for thirty-odd years?
 
Last Wednesday I went to see Lemn reading his autobiographical play, ‘Something Dark’ at the Brewery Arts Centre in Kendal.  I’m familiar with his poetry and his life story so I wasn’t in for the shock that ‘Philomena’ gave me.  However, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I anticipated feeling sorrow and kept tissues to hand.  I’m smiling at the thought of it now. Generally speaking, people go to the theatre to experience an entertaining evening and have a nice time.  There was I, prepared for heart-break, but no, this was Lemn Sissay, full of positive vibes, humour, a massive smile and I just listened intently to the wit and intelligence he pours into his story.  There was lots of direct interaction with his audience and at the end he spent time doing Q & A.
 
Lemn Sissay, MBE, an inspiration to all.  Lost hopes, lost dreams, never.
 
And not a single tear from me.
 
 
 
She Read As She Cradled
You part of me
Every day your history
Every tomorrow your destiny
Every growth your mystery
Every mother wants a baby
Like you
Every laugh your personality
Every look your clarity
Every word your stability
Every mother wants a baby
Like you
Every hiccup a comedy
Every fall a catastrophe
Every worry my worry
Every step you’re beside me
Every sight you’re pure beauty
Every mother wants a baby
Like you
Every tear wiped carefully
Every word spoke lovingly
Every meal fed silently
every cloth washed caringly
Every song sung sweetly
Every day I whisper quietly
Every mother wants a baby
Like you
© Lemn Sissay

Thanks for reading, Pam x