That soap. I can still remember the taste and the smell. Green Palmolive rubbed hard in my mouth by my
very angry mother. All I said was ‘bugger or buggery’ and obviously that was
all it took for my mum to drop whatever she was doing, shout at me and drag me,
literally kicking and screaming to our black and white tiled bathroom. The
memory is so clear, perhaps I was traumatised by such a severe punishment to be
inflicted on me at four years old. Anyway, it was Nanna’s fault.
Both my grandmothers were decent, lady-like women, but
Nanna, my maternal grandmother, ran pubs like we did and she was, perhaps a bit
more worldly wise. Nanna often said ‘is it buggery’ or ‘does it buggery’ in
answer to questions, not to me, but I heard it often enough. In her world were
many buggers, too, in fact everyone was a daft bugger, silly bugger, dirty
bugger, lazy bugger, etc, and being in the pub trade, lots of drunken buggers.
I spent lots of time with her so I suppose it wasn’t really shocking that I
should say it myself. After the mouth washing, I sobbed to my mum that I only
said what Nanna says. I don’t know if she took it up with her.
I worked with four and five year olds in an infant school
for quite a while – the best years of my working life and I wish I’d stayed,
but that’s another story. Young children soak up education like sponges and
everything else as well. They love to tell their own stories, no holds barred,
so I found myself knowing all sorts about everyone’s parents, siblings and home
life. I am the keeper of many family secrets and my lips are strongly sealed.
There are people out there who might be horrified if they knew what their child
had said at school. Sometimes, there was inappropriate language and staff were
advised to be tactful and simply ask a child to say it again as we hadn’t heard
properly. There were not many swear words around that age group. If necessary,
I would say that I didn’t know that word, and let’s just use words we
understand.
Sometimes I have to check myself, or remind my husband that
something isn’t ‘bloody’ it’s only a table, or whatever the item might be. It’s
a hard habit to break, but we have our grandchildren round a lot and what big
ears they have. They are aged five, four, three and nearly two. I’ve already
had a gentle chat with the five year old about ‘some words are only for
grown-ups and not nice for children to say’. How times have changed. My mother
would have scooped him up to the bathroom and he would still be vomiting soap
suds after his exclamation of ‘f--king hell’ when he dropped something under
the table.
We had a small, metal plant pot on the draining board. I know it was
in the way, I just needed to decide where to store it, so I take full
responsibility. One day when my husband was doing something at the sink and our
grandchildren were playing nicely, the planter fell to the floor with a loud
clang. My husband, exasperated, called out ‘That bloody tin!’, which met with
three of the four children bursting into laughter and shouting ‘Bloody tin!’ We were all hysterical,
adults and children alike. It was the funniest thing ever. The ghost of my mum
would have run in with the soap. The small planter, or ‘bloody tin’ which it is
now referred to, is safely stored.
As for having my mouth washed out as a child, the deterrent
is not lifelong, by the way. Mummy might be cross, but I swear sometimes. And
worse words than ‘bugger’.
My poem is a reflection of working with the general public
where not everyone is pleasant. Suffering pain and Covid rules bring out the
best and the worst in people.
So, you scream ‘eff off’ at me
From the safety of your phone.
I’ll kill your call, line now free
And you can leave me alone.
Lately, I’ve been chucking back
The very same words you use.
I’m not taking any flak,
I’ve developed a short fuse.
I know you’ll understand me
Using your language, self-taught.
Unacceptable? I see,
You’re taken aback and fraught.
Say ‘bugger’ then, I don’t care.
Just be yourself, you are crass.
I’m not bothered if you swear,
Sticks and stones, and all that jazz.
PMW 2020
Thanks for reading, take care and keep well. Pam x
