Brown Study - Daydreaming

I hadn’t heard of ‘brown study’. When I looked it up and did a bit of online research, I quickly realised that I do it all the time. Deep in thought, away with the fairies, that’s me and seemingly more so at the moment. There is a lot going on to fill my head with worry and make me stressful. Of course, things will improve, but I’ve got to get through the here and now. I drift off into my thoughts, trying to reason things out or work out what to do. There is rarely a solution.

This morning I was enjoying the stroll in the cool air to a group I attend. I was wondering if I would have better staying at home because I was feeling upset and close to tears, but the short walk would do me good and I love to catch up with my friends there. I stopped to cross a road, turned to check for traffic and jumped out of my skin to see one of my friends next to me. She’d been saying my name. I hadn’t heard her. I was away in my own little world of oblivion. We walked the rest of the way together, chatting about the mild weather after I’d explained that I was fine, just lost in a daydream.

I’m struggling to concentrate when reading. I’m near to the end of what is a re-read of a good book and I keep losing it, literally. The paragraphs give way to me overthinking something, so I go over it again then often nod off. It isn’t a boring book, well, some might disagree, but I love the story and it is a real rediscovery now, as a mature adult. I think I was about eighteen when it was mandatory reading and, I confess, some of the content was lost on me. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, thank you, Robert Tressell.

My personal brown study isn’t always about what I might be fretting over at the moment. Sometimes I travel way back, reliving nice happenings, or being angry with myself over doing things I now consider stupid – we make mistakes, learn from them and move on – I don’t need to beat myself up fifty years later. Most of what haunts me from the past are things and events that I had absolutely no control over and remain in residence in a brain cell.

I found this poem meaningful. It’s written by C. Vergara, published on Poetry Soup.

Deep thoughts, without blinking
In a trance, deep thinking

Voices of yesteryear, instilling neurotic fear
Deeper and deeper, across my hemisphere.

Deep thoughts, within my soul
Bringing my running to a slow crawl

Trying to avoid it, but can’t control it
Like a ‘who done it’, I can’t outrun it

Deep thoughts, take over my mind
They begin to grind what’s left behind.

It’s a sign, rectifying
My essence in time.

                              C. Vergara 9/6/2010

Thanks for reading, Pam x

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Rediscovery

We are told as writers to avoid cliché and overused metaphors. I find a good way of viewing a scene or an object in a new way is to rediscover it. Pick it apart into its most basic elements and piece it together again so it's the same thing but stands out. Children are great for this, they are looking at the world with fresh eyes and can come up with some novel ways of seeing things. I don't necessarily use what they say, but I relearn how to see things with new eyes in the way they do. Everything is new to them, and their point of view is a lovely way of interpreting objects around us.

They are also great for raising questions where an idea can spring from. My middle son Leo recently wondered why earwigs were called so, and envisioned an ear with a wig on. He makes me chuckle but it did make me wonder where the name came from. My eldest also gave me an idea for a children's story once when he asked if sheep get angry when their fleeces are taken from them. This led me to write a children's story about an outraged sheep who goes on a hunt to find his missing fleece.

Rediscovering the world is a way to write the old into the new. A new perspective is always great to write from, and refreshing for the reader. It can take something mundane and pedestrian and refresh it so that it becomes exciting.

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