Saturday, 20 April 2013

Fifty Shades of Dog

00:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , 4 comments
by Ashley Lister

There are many different kinds of dogs:

There are smelly dogs, fat belly dogs; scratchy dogs and snatchy dogs; mad dogs, bad dogs, glad dogs and sad dogs; happy dogs, snappy dogs, scrappy dogs and crappy dogs; greedy dogs, seedy dogs, needy dogs and weedy dogs; ball-chasing dogs, ball-catching dogs, ball-licking dogs. Dogs that growl. Dogs that howl. Dogs that look like Simon Cowell. Dogs that piddle on a towel. Dogs that steal. Dogs that feel. Dogs that walk to a master’s heel. Pretty dogs. Shitty dogs. Dogs-chased-by-a-kitty dogs. (Pretty shitty dogs). Cuddly dogs. Ugly dogs. Really, eerily fugly dogs. Grey dogs. Gay dogs. Like-to-go-out-and-play dogs. Skinny dogs. Swimmy dogs. Acting-like-a-ninny dogs. Dogs that like noise. Dogs that like boys. Dogs that growl if you touch their toys. Dogs that walk. Dogs that talk. Posh dogs that eat with a knife and fork. Dogs that chase birds. Dogs that eat turds. Dogs that ignore all your spoken words. Dirty dogs. Shirty dogs. Territorially squirty dogs. Mucky dogs. Lucky dogs. Much-too-fond-of-nookie dogs. Like-to-eat-a-cookie dogs. Black dogs. White dogs. Dark dogs. Light dogs. Spotty, stinking, grotty, thinking, barking, larking, playing up in Stanley Park(ing) dogs.

But there is only one type of cat: the cat who is silently plotting to take over the world. 


Colin Davies said...

And that's exactly why I love cats.

Would love to hear this as a recorded piece.

Ashley R Lister said...

Thank you. I think it would be a giggle to record this one.


Lisa McFleeca said...

It really sounds like one of those summer records about girls... If you replace dogs with bitches you'd have dual functionality!

Loved it!
L ;-)

Ashley R Lister said...

I could do this as a tongue-in-cheek rap, with the word 'dogs' replaced by the word 'bithces' and uploaded to YouTube with pictures of female dogs to illustrate the irony.

Genius idea.