Friday, 8 August 2014

Regrets / Guilt / Remorse - Stupid Arguments!

Stupid arguments ..... we've all had them at some point in our lives. They leave us with feelings; Regret, guilt, remorse, or justification, victory, superiority.  But it's how we deal with those disagreements that proves our worth. I much prefer to agree to disagree. I don't like confrontation, never have, so will always try to see things from all perspectives in order to feel any kind of satisfaction about the situation.  That said, I have been known to blow up about things from time to time. If I ever get bent out of shape about something, then you know something must be really wrong! I'm typing this blog after a fitful nights sleep. Having been recently diagnosed as severely anaemic, I am tired and irritable. Ideal ingredients for clashing with others wouldn't you say?

These days, any stupid arguments I have tend to come from trying to reason with my son. He's going through a 'bargaining' phase at the moment and will try to make deals to his advantage almost daily. Yesterday, while giving him a bath, it was: "If you let me pour a cup of water over your head, I'll let you wash my hair!" (Something he hates with a passion).  I told him that if he let me wash his hair, and it hurt him in any way, then he could pour 5 cups of water over my head! His response was classic: "No deal!".  Anyway, after trying to reason with him some more, and him starting to get almost hysterical about it, I eventually had to promise not to wash his hair while he was in the bath, ever, to calm him down. He's only just started liking baths (he's 6 now), so if I hadn't promised that, he wouldn't have wanted a bath ever again! *Sigh*

We all have stupid arguments in relationships too. When my Hubby was alive we were no exception. In the days before he died, I had argued that he didn't cook anymore, and was leaving the vast majority of bringing up our child to me. I was tired, why couldn't he help a little more?  Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? Obviously, he felt ill. Unfortunately, I was too tired/busy/blind to see the extent of how he was feeling. He never spoke up though. Leaving me with regrets after the fact. Something I have to live with daily.

But sometimes, the most hurtful things aren't said in the heat of an argument. Most people have 'that' conversation about what will happen to the other after we die, at some point in their relationship. We had had that conversation, where I told him that when the time was right, I fully expected him to find someone else and be happy, reasoning that it would be a waste of his life otherwise. I didn't receive the same response. He said he couldn't bear to think of me with someone else .....

Don't get me wrong, I know that he loved me, and that was a cock-eyed way of saying it, but still, it haunts me daily, leaving me feeling guilt just for getting on with my life.  I am 39 next month. That's along time to be alone if I live to my 80's! I want to move on ..... but how can I?

So next time you have a stupid argument, think on! Do you really want those words to be dwelt upon after you've gone? Remember, there are always reasons why someone may feel the way they do; anything from feeling tired and irritable, the weather making them feel narky, or a just reason - they may not just be spoiling for a fight.

I'm afraid there is no poem from me this week. I'm too exhausted to think of one. So please forgive me this one time, while I slink off and take my Iron tablet.

See you next week, bright eyed and bushy tailed (hopefully).  ;-)

Thanks for reading my waffle. x


John Dudley said...
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Christo said...

Would you like me to have an Unstupid Argument with this John Dudley interloper (not his real name I'm sure as he is trying to flog stuff to us from the Indian sub-Continent).
It's good of you to create the blog when you must feel so tired and irritable. Anaemia is totally exhausting, and it cannot help at all that The Lad is playing up.
I missed last night's meeting because of medical-related travel problems which really pissed me off.
Hope you have a more pleasant weekend.
As my Dad died at 42 when I was only seven, and Mum never even considered re-marrying, I know how hard it can be to adjust to One Parent Life.

Louise Barklam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Louise Barklam said...

Why do I always seem to attract the spammers? Arggggh! Oh well, comment deleted.

Thank you Christo for your offer, but job done. ;-)