I believe in God. I don’t know what God looks like and I
wouldn’t know where to start to guess. God’s appearance is not important, it’s
the sense of being I reach out to and, for me, God is a presence to be aware of
rather than something visible. I have
what my husband would call ‘blind faith’. I get what he means, but to me my
Christian faith is not blind. Each to
their own and we respect our opposite views. We trust each other to follow our
funeral wishes, but hopefully they won’t be needed for a while yet.
Before school broke up for the Christmas break, I was in the
infant’s library with a small group of children. I was asked if there was a
book about Egypt and luckily I found something considered ‘perfect’. Bright and
polite, the boy went on to explain to me that his family were from Egypt and
don’t celebrate Christmas, so they were going there for the holidays to visit
family and show off the new baby. He wanted to learn about the country before
he went. I was pleased to help. I learnt a lot about his culture that
afternoon. It was nice to catch up with him in the new term. His family visit
had been very good and he’d been much warmer than we were.
It’s not unusual for my six year old grandson to have us in
fits of laughter. He has a natural wit about him, inherited from his mum. One
family tea time he commanded attention with, “Listen everybody, if I was the
Son of God...” he proceeded to list the things he’d do to make a perfect world
with lots of football and Roblox involved. I wanted to know where this had come from so I
asked him who the Son of God is. Confusion or Marvel characters had taken over
as his answer was something about a man who lives in our heads and eats our
brains.
I’ve turned to God for help and guidance throughout my life.
Growing up without my mother, who died young, was hard. Difficulties were
magnified by my father’s swift remarriage which resulted in me trying to fit in
but left feeling abandoned and not welcome in the new family. It was a long
time before I found any hope and I never got any answers, but I got through it.
‘Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret’ is a book by Judy
Blume. It’s a wonderful read for girls growing up, having anxieties about every
aspect of puberty and not feeling confident about asking. I believe it’s a film
now. I’ll look out for it. I had grown out of that stage of life by the time I
read it, but I could relate to most of it and hoped it was useful to my
daughter when she built an invisible wall to keep me out.
Life throws hurdles into the mix, or maybe just mine, and
some higher to clear than others, but again, I never gave up and any obstacles
haven’t been impossible to conquer, so far. Sometimes I’ve been my own worst
enemy. I’ve broken more than one of the Ten Commandments, some more than once.
I’ve tried to disregard God, only to realise that I can’t get by without my
faith. For this and for past misdemeanours I have been aware of forgiveness.
This year has already brought challenges. I’m shuffling
about as I write this, easing off one physical pain for another and trying to
keep mental stresses in proportion. Someone once said, “When things look like
they’re falling apart, it might be that they’re falling into place” or
something like that.
Having a faith and believing in God is who I am. I don’t
carry a banner, I don’t evangelise, I just do my best for everyone and in
everything I do. I live and let live, accepting people for who and what they
are, hoping they offer me the same.
The words of Desiderata mean a lot to me.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace
there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms
with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and
aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself
with others you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater
and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your
plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real
possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business
affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what
virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is
full of of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be
cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as
perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully
surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in
sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are
born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with
yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt
the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in
the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham,
drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive
to be happy.
Max Ehrmann.
Thanks for reading, Pam x
