Saturday, 11 January 2014

One hand? Try doing it with one leg

00:00:00 Posted by Ashley Lister , , , 12 comments
 By Ashley Lister

 The Ballad of the Blackpool Spiderman

 I’ll tell you a tale of a man who can write
But he got stricken down by a rogue spider’s bite
And it bit on his leg, which swelled up like a blimp
And made walking so painful he’s been left with a limp.
On the first day he saw a small zit on his calf
And it itched like a bitch for a day and a half
By which time it swelled bigger than any man’s legs
And he wondered if his wound was filled with spider eggs
The thought was quite scary – a nightmare tormentor
So he took himself off to the town’s Walk-In Centre.
And he showed off his boo-boo to the nurse there on call
And she prescribed antibiotics but they did chuff all.
It was big and so swollen and so hard as a rock
He thought it a pity it hadn’t bitten him [somewhere else].
Two days later the leg was a raw stump of pain
So he went back to the Walk-in Centre again.
And another nurse said, “Ooh!” and she said he looked sick
And suggested he’d better go to Blackpool Vic
So he did as instructed and his meds got uprated
Which seemed necessary, because his leg was inflated
When the bite burst the stuff that came out looked like custard
But the truth is it actually tasted like mustard
And long story short, the swelling started to shrink
They said he could go home – he was off in a blink.
And now he’s recovering, still resting in bed.
And when he sees spiders: he stamps them ‘til they’re dead.


True story
Reactions:

12 comments:

Colin Davies said...

And he's back in the room.

Chuffing brilliant.

Ashley R Lister said...

Thanks Colin,

:-D

Nikki Magennis said...

aw, ash!

michelle Mckernan said...

Brilliant but gross!

Ashley R Lister said...

Nikki,

Thank you.

Ashley R Lister said...

Michelle -

Thank you. And be grateful I didn't upload pictures :-)

Ash

Adele said...

Ashley you now have eight feet. The Commonwealth games are soon so I expect they'll becalling you up. Jessica Ennis-Hill is pregnant. I hope that she's not expecting heptuplets!

Great that you are back hon. Love to all the family.

Ashley R Lister said...

Thanks Adele,

If I'm allowed to use my walking stick for beating other players out of the way, then the commonwealth games sound like a fun challenge.

Ash

D L King said...

Mustard? Really?

Ashley R Lister said...

Not really. But Thousand Island Dressing didn't rhyme ;-)

scottydotti said...

Awww poor you but this verse is tiggerific fab fab fab... my interview on radio last fri went superb and mentioned my wondeeful tutor quite few times Ash my super hero ;) xxxtc

Ashley R Lister said...

Thanks Dot ;-)