Friday, 4 May 2012

May The Fourth....oh shut up.

When I was a kid I wanted my very own Ewok. Not a cuddly toy one you understand, that just wouldn’t have been acceptable. I wanted a real one. They were the cute little teddy-bear like characters from the Star Wars films. You can imagine my disappointment when I found out that they were in fact, small people in teddy bear suits. So then I thought I’d make a pretty good Ewok. (I probably would now if I didn’t shave my legs for a few months) and wondered how to make a suit. I never managed it.

Ewoks always struck me as slightly despairing of humans (or humanoids). They clearly think they are stupid. Each time they mumbled in their Ewokese I could imagine colourful expletives coming from their little furry mouths. I think it was supported by their aggressive little nature. Nothing an Ewok says is cute.

“What the **** do you want you stupid humanoid?, get off my ****ing planet or I’ll stab you in the eyeball then shove a spear up your ****. Oh you’re in a massive battle you say? Hell of COURSE we’re getting in on that, show me the guns.”

Can you imagine the destruction they could cause while everyone is distracted by their little fuzzy faces? They could penetrate the securest of places. "AW, look at that little furry bear, I have to show him to someone. Look he's kicking someone in the shins, how darling!" Their cuteness is a battle strategy to lull humans into spasms of “Awwwwww” . They know what they’re doing. The Empire? Pah. It’s the little furry ones that should be under suspicion. With their cute wet noses and weaponry. They’re playing the long game, the little fluffy beasts of war.


Danielle Rose said...

I have my very own Ewok called Tom. :] I know fuck all about star was but I do know I sound like Chewy when I strech and that I always liked the look of Jarjar becasue he makes me think of a giant hairless cat. xx

Ashley R Lister said...

I know so little about Star Wars it's quite sad. However I do know that Warwick Davis played one of the ewoks in this movie therefore they must be good.


Louise Barklam said...

I liked the Ewoks too Linz, don't worry. It's been that long since I've seen the films though, that I've pretty much forgotten the story. Lol.

Also, burst out laughing at the labels you have put underneath. Only Clive ..... !

Fab post Linz! ;-)

Rachael Hirst said...

I also wanted an Ewok, I also said that when I grew up I wanted to actually be an Ewok. So far my childhood dread has not come to fruition, still time yet though. :)

Great blog Lindsay