How to be a Super Hero Part 1

Hmmm, super powers?

It's an age old question, along with "what's better UFOs or dinosaurs?" and "Start Trek or Star Wars?" it's probably one of the most asked questions among circles of enthusiasts loving know as geeks. The difference with the super powers question is it has a broader appeal. Not everyone has seen Star Wars, but I lay good odds on everyone having a power they want.

But which power? X-ray vision? Flight? The ability to not get stressed in the super market? (Is market a super power? Ed) How do you decide?

As you can see there are so many questions to ask, so much to consider. My old English teacher thought my group of friends were wasting our time debating such important issues, yet when we ask her she said "Inadvisability." Which, to be fair, is a good answer and much better than the over sized penis idea Simon Stubb's had.

The problem I see with powers is how can you have just one? Spider-man has strength, wall climbing and spider sense  Superman has flight, strength, X-ray vision, super hearing and an over sized penis. All the one trick super ponies seem to form gangs like the X-men.

Then there's the issue of power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Taking this further results in super corruption, an idea explored very well in Garth Ennis's "The Boyz." A graphic novel series that is not for the faint hearted.

So what super power would I have? Sorry but I am going to have to give you two answers. First would be the evil Colin, taking a power to use for mischief  That would be 'Stepping Out of Time.' An ability that would allow me to effectively stop time for everyone except me. This power would enable me to rob banks, steal cars, and pull don Piers Morgan's trousers then draw a Cock & Balls on his forehead with a permanent marker during a live TV broadcast. It's the little things that make me smile.

As a force for good I'll have to take my inspiration from Douglas Adams. The only new idea in the Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy film that was written by Mr Adams that didn't appear in his other works was the 'Point of View Gun.' A weapon that would make whomever you hit with a shot from the gun, instantly see your point of view. Which would stop wars. So I think I'd like a power that removed peoples hate and fear just by touching them.

Though I must admit, the evil Colin power has the potential to be a lot more fun. But isn't that just the draw of the Dark Side?

How to be a Super Hero Part 1

To be the hero I must have a neat super power
Something cool to help fight crime and make the bad guy cower

To get to the crime scenes I’ll want to be able to fly,
Zooming over roof tops faster than Blackpool’s CSI.

To see criminals running, I’ll need to have super sight,
Then swooping down from the sky above to break up the fight.

To apprehend the perp I’ll require super muscles,
The strength to hold and restrain through the hustle and bustle.

To grab the headline I’ll need a suit full of colours bright,
Purple top with Red under pants over shiny blue tights.

To really become noticed I'll need a good super name,
Something like 'Invincible Col' should work to bring me fame.

But this is with good intention, I know it will not last,
As a hero I'd need to do stuff, not sit on my arse.