What If - Everything Vanishes

 

A Happy New Year to you.

One thing after another has prevented me from being an active blogger in recent weeks. I’m very happy to be back.

I over-think things. I worry. My head is full of the crazy imaginings of ‘worst case scenarios’ and if the thoughts were visible it might look like a flow chart of What Ifs. Actually no, because flow charts are organised and logical, and my mind is not.

The cruel What Ifs are currently busy. Recent health issues made me give in and reluctantly visit the doctor. Tests, then more tests and a hospital referral to reassure me, only it doesn’t  reassure, the prospect is something I find scary and full of What Ifs. These particular What Ifs, dormant during my busy day, line up and take turns to confront me when they are magnified by my tiredness.

A saying from childhood keeps coming back to me, ‘If ifs and ands were pots and pans there’d be no work for tinker’s hands’. I don’t know what it really means, feel free to enlighten me, but I think it’s telling me not to worry about things I can’t control.

Our fourth grandchild, a girl, is days away from being born. She could decide to arrive any time and we are excited to meet her. Our daughter and her partner want me to be there at the birth, as I was for their boys, and I hope I can be. This is another set of What Ifs, dearie me, but these are nice ones.

Here are a few of my worrying thoughts.

 

What if I lose the desire to write?

What if I don’t have the power to fight?

What if the words start refusing to rhyme?

What if I find I’m running out of time?

What if I go off Italian food?

What if my mood is forever subdued?

What if I can’t have Tia Maria?

What if I can’t feel my loved ones are near?

What if I can’t hear the music I choose?

What if there’s no Mozart or Moody Blues?

What if I forget all that I have known?

What if I forget all that I was shown?

 

  

Thanks for reading, Pam x

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Mood indigo > indigent > indignant > indulgent...

Well I woke up this morning [in classic bluesman style, guitar in hand - but swapped my six-string for a pen] and tried to capture a feeling before it slipped away - that sense of not really wanting to face the new day just yet, preferring to linger awhile longer in the languor of last night...
This one is for Nessa.

    
Saturday
I open the window
into a cold and rainy morning.
The grey streets
are full of grey people
with frowns on their faces
and water in their shoes,
cursing the day they were born.
So I turn back to Friday night,
for you are smiling and warm.

Steve Rowland

Note to self: Forget about your trouble and your strife. Embrace the simple ambiguities of life :-)
Thank you all for reading... I wish you the best of weeks. Come on you mighty Seasiders!

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My mood? You really want to know .... ?

This weeks' theme is "Mood".

The reason for the late post today is my mood.  In a nutshell ...... aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh! I'm stressed to high hell and back again truth be told.

• Reason 1:  My health.  It's nothing life threatening, but it is still affecting my day to day activities.
• Reason 2:  It's the school holidays and my little cherub is acting up.  Something most of you can probably sympathise with.  Keeping him entertained and amused is proving to be a challenge!
• Reason 3:  Other things which I can't elaborate on right now.

So, yeah, I'm a tad stressed right now.

Normally though, I am a calm person. A quiet, politely spoken, helpful and considerate person. But no, I am none of these things in particular at the moment. To quote a phrase in the completely wrong context: "I am woman, hear me ROAR!"  I am doing my darnedest though, to try and retain some semblance of my usual self, including a sense of humour, however difficult that my be.  I am sure many of you have been there.


School Holiday Stress:

Despite the fact he's on holiday
he wakes at 6 a.m.
Makes enough noise whilst playing
to raise the dead again.
Another day has now begun,
but how to entertain
and keep amused this little soul?
I wrack and wrack my brain.
We've done most of the bright idea's
I'd already written down,
been to the park innumerable times
and the Circus to see the Clowns,
We've had picnics on the beach
and strolled along the piers,
We watched the local airshow
while he covered up his ears.
We've done the zoo and marine attractions,
the indoor adventure play area's,
attended his friends birthday parties,
on sugar high hysteria.
I'm beginning to pull my hair out
I can't keep up the pace
There's still another 3 weeks to go -
the realisation brings palm to face!
If you've got any good idea's
please suggest them in the box below,
I'm stressed to high heaven
the depth of my gratitude you'll never know!


Ok, deep breaths. I feel a little better now I've got that off my chest! 'Til next week my friends, adieu!

Thanks for reading.  ;-)  x

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